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Category Archives for Uncategorized

112: Balancing Hormones, Weight, Brain and Gut Health after Betrayal w/ Dr. Anna Cabeca

Dr. Anna Cabeca experienced a hormonal betrayal by her body when she was diagnosed with infertility and early menopause at the age of 38. Refusing to lay down and accept this, Dr. Cabeca started on a personal wellness journey to reduce her menopause side effects, which resulted in the delivery of a baby girl three years after her diagnosis.

Or, listen on your favorite app: iTunes (Apple Podcasts) | Spotify | Stitcher | TuneIn

After experiencing her own health successes, Dr. Cabeca began counseling others and has since changed the lives of thousands of women across the globe. With her Keto-Green 16 program, Dr. Cabeca can help you lose weight, feel more energetic, and gain the clarity and sense of calm that you have been longing for.

When you feel like you have lost control, taking care of your body and your hormones are one of the top ways that you can start to regain your inner power. Today Dr. Cabeca is here to explain everything from hormones such as cortisol and oxytocin to the benefits of intermittent fasting and building up insulin sensitivity.

By enhancing your physiology and hormonal control you can improve your quality of life, mental state, and more. If you are ready for strategies to help you make lemonade out of your life’s lemons, this is the episode for you. Let us know what you found most interesting about Dr. Cabeca’s knowledge and inspiring story with us in the comments below.

In This Episode

  • How to know if your hormone imbalances are impacting your overall health
  • Learn all about the benefits of intermittent fasting, glucose monitoring and more
  • Why sugar is the toxic boyfriend that you need to break up with today
  • What you can expect to feel when you adapt the Keto-Green 16 method
  • The best ways to feel more in control of your life and gain more clarity
  • Nutrition and lifestyle recommendations to help you get started on your health journey

Quotes

“When our body is having to make excess insulin, we become insulin resistant. And that increases our risk factors for diabetes, hypertension and Alzheimers and dementia.” (12:39)

“I’ve worked with thousands of patients and honestly everyone can do it, we are designed to do it.” (16:31)

“The piece that surpasses all understanding is nothing in my external environment had changed, but my internal milieu had changed. So the most important for me was this piece.” (19:14)

“This approach of creating insulin sensitivity, managing cortisol, and putting oxytocin in the winners circle so to speak, gave me my life back.” (20:18)

“It takes more than hormones to fix our hormones.” (25:21)

“Physiology drives behavior. So we have to heal the physiology in order, often, to get control of our thoughts and our mental atmosphere, and it does make a difference.” (28:25)

Links

Keto-Green 16 by. Dr. Anna Cabeca

Dr. Anna Cabeca Website

FBTB 034: Dr. Anna Cabeca

Other Resources

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

Keep up to everything From Betrayal To Breakthrough

Follow Dr. Debi Silber on Facebook | Twitter | Youtube | LinkedIn

111: Understanding Betrayal Energetically via the Chakra System w/ Dr. Ellen Albertson

Have you ever walked into a room and immediately felt the energy? Everything in our world is made up of energy, including our own personal energy vortexes within our bodies. Dr. Ellen Albertson is a psychologist, registered dietitian, national board-certified health and wellness coach, reiki master and mindful self-compassion teacher who knows a thing or two about energy.

Or, listen on your favorite app: iTunes (Apple Podcasts) | Spotify | Stitcher | TuneIn

Dr. Ellen uses the power of our energy chakras to help women get unstuck and find confidence, energy, and clarity. Dubbed The Midlife Whisperer, Dr. Ellen is here today to explain how betrayal can impact you energetically, and share ways that you can regain your balance and feel more grounded and in control.

By connecting with your deep energetic wisdom you can start to trust your intuition, heal your chakras and implement self-compassion into your daily life. Everything from the way you dress to the amount of self-love you provide yourself can have a huge impact on your ability to heal. If you want actionable ways that you can start to reverse the energetic damage caused by your betrayal, this is an episode you cannot miss.

All of the resources you need to survive are inside of yourself. Are you ready to harness the power of your chakras and start treating yourself like your own best friend? Share how you use the power of your energy and self-compassion to heal with us in the comments below.

In This Episode

  • Learn about the seven main energy chakras and your personal energy vortexes
  • How to utilize your chakras to connect and control your own energy and others
  • Discover how betrayal can impact your energy chakras on multiple levels
  • The importance of self-compassion and the role it plays when it comes to healing
  • What you can do to heal your chakras after a betrayal and get back into balance

Quotes

“Think about all the cells in your body came from sunlight. Everything you’ve eaten has either come from a plant or an animal that ate a plant, so you really are an energetic being.” (7:03)

“In terms of betrayal, this can really be shut down, because this is where joy lives. So in terms of being betrayed, you kind of feel that whole connection with life force, feeling creative, feeling vibrant is really kaput.” (10:58)

“You can feel these chakras in your body. You are not able to speak your truth, you’re not able to feel connected and communicate with people.” (16:53)

“We can heal and actually create something better, and everything is happening for your highest good.” (19:10)

Links

Join the Rock Your Midlife Summit

Dr. Ellen Albertson Website

Other Resources

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

Keep up to everything From Betrayal To Breakthrough

Follow Dr. Debi Silber on Facebook | Twitter | Youtube | LinkedIn

The Science of Betrayal

The impact of past betrayal is proven, real and treatable. How can you help your patients and coaching clients heal from it? ‘The Science of Treating Betrayal’ will introduce you to Dr. Debi Silber founder of The (PBT) Post Betrayal Transformation Institute in this session of Extraordinary Instruction by The Wellness Universe.

Join Anna Pereira for a live conversation with Dr. Debi. Ask questions and learn more about the symptoms and how to help your clients heal now.

Register now. Grab your free seat and gifts from Dr. Debi:

http://bit.ly/EIDebiSilber

Dr. Debi’s PhD study on betrayal, dove into: What holds us back, what helps us heal and what happens to us physically, mentally and emotionally, when the people closest to us like family members, partners, friends or coworkers, lie, cheat and deceive us. Her study of over 6,000 people worldwide returned these conclusions:

– Over 60% suffer from physical ailments

– Over 50% suffer from mental ailments

– Over 50% suffer from emotional symptoms

– 84% have an inability to trust

– 67% prevent themselves from forming deep relationships because they are fearful of being vulnerable and hurt

– 90% want to move forward but don’t know how

Full session description, gifts and register free:  http://bit.ly/EIDebiSilber

See you there!
Dr. Debi

What Your Clients Aren’t Telling You That’s Keeping Them Sick, Sad and Stuck

Hi There,

Dr. Debi here with a message specifically for coaches, doctors, healers and therapists.

Betrayals keep us sick, sad and stuck. It’s not just the big betrayals either. It’s the micro-betrayals, the “it’s no big deal” betrayals and the self-betrayals. They affect every area of life-tainting everything that’s meant to be fulfilling and rewarding. Here are just a few areas an unhealed betrayal impacts:

It affects our relationships where we keep experiencing “repeat betrayals” because we haven’t learned the profound lesson the betrayal was able to teach. Or, our hearts were broken so we put a big wall up. Sure we’re keeping out the bad guys but we’re keeping out the good guys too.

We see it in health where people spend so much time, money and effort going to doctors, therapists, coaches and healers to manage stress related symptoms, illnesses, conditions and disease. At the root of all that stress? An unhealed betrayal.

We see it in business where someone wants to be a team player but they’re so afraid. The person they trusted the most proved untrustworthy. How can they trust a coworker or boss? Or, they want to ask for that raise or promotion. They deserve it but their confidence was shattered in that betrayal. So they don’t have the confidence to ask for the raise or promotion. They don’t ask, they’re bitter and resentful instead and that’s the energy they’re bringing to work with them every day.

It’s not our fault. Unfortunately, unless we learn that healing is a predictable process we set ourselves up for more of the same. Doing a PhD study on betrayal (what holds us back, what helps us heal and what happens to us physically, mentally and emotionally when those closest to us lie, cheat and deceive) led to 3 groundbreaking discoveries. I’ll be covering what was discovered along with how to help your clients/patients with a systematic approach to heal…once and for all.

Join me for a powerful conversation: What Your Clients Aren’t Telling You That’s Keeping Them Sick, Sad and Stuckspecifically for coaches, doctors, healers and therapists. Register here.

Dr. Debi

Are You Hanging Out in the Crab Bucket?

Hi, Debi Silber here. Here’s a question for you. Who are you spending your time with? It’s been said: “We are the five people we spend the most time with.” Think about it. You spend your day with people who either uplift and inspire you, or who drain and deplete you. You know who these people are by how you feel.

Think about it. There are certain people you spend your time with where you feel better for having spent time with them. You feel energized. You feel happy. You feel just good about the experience.

On the other hand, there are other people where you spend your time with them and you feel drained, depleted, exhausted. These people are energy vampires, zapping the living life out of you.

So who are you spending your time with?

Thinking about these negative relationships always reminds me of the visual of crabs in a bucket. Have you ever seen crabs in a bucket? It’s so interesting to watch them. You don’t even have to put a lid on the bucket. They are so content swarming around the bottom, stepping on each other and going nowhere.

If you look long enough, there’s always that one…hopeful crab. The crab that thinks that there may just be a better life outside of the bucket. Think about what happens next. Here’s that hopeful crab that makes the decision to climb. It’s climbing and climbing and climbing…and then what happens?

There’s alwaysanother crab that grabs it, yanks it right down as if to say, “Mm-mm, if I’m not going, either are you.”

My question to you is; “Are you hanging out in the crab bucket?” If so, you’ll know why you may be feeling drained, depleted, exhausted and spent.

If you realize this than it’s time to ask the next question: “How can I have more people who inspire me in my life?” You’ll feel uplifted and nurtured by being around them.

So take a look at those in your circle. Of course no one is perfect all the time but for the most part…are you hanging out in the crab bucket? If so, it’s obvious why you’re feeling the way you are. Make an effort to get out of the crab bucket. You cannot find your happiness, your joy, your peace when you’re being swarmed with negativity, judgment, criticism, complacency and more.

Everything you’re looking for in that crab bucket won’t be found there. It’s right on the other side. Hope that helps.

Are you spending time with energy vampires? Those that drain and deplete you? Have you done something to minimize your time with them? We’d love to know, comment and share!

Dr. Debi
Do you have Post Betrayal Syndrome? Take the quiz by clicking here

Beliefs vs. Facts

Hi, Debi Silber here.

Is there a difference between a belief and a fact?

There’s a huge distinction between the two.

The good news here is also that if your beliefs don’t serve you, you change them for something that does.

A belief is a repetition of an idea from someone you trust. That’s it. The repetition of an idea from someone you trust. All that means is someone you trusted such as a parent, a teacher, someone in a religious capacity, etc.  said something to you enough times. By doing that, it became your belief. That doesn’t make it good or bad, it doesn’t make it right or wrong, it doesn’t make it true…but it makes it yours.

A fact can’t be dismantled. Take gravity for example. If you throw something up, it’s coming down. What we so often do is we look at our beliefs as if they’re facts.

Maybe you have a belief such as: “I’ll never get out of debt.” “I’ll never lose this weight”. “I won’t ever be in a healthy relationship.” Whatever the belief is, we look at them as if they are facts.

I invite you to question, “Is it true? Can it be dismantled?” Maybe it’s just true for you because you’ve said it to yourself so many times that this is all you’ve been making your reality.

This is something I do with my clients and I hope this helps you.

One of the ways to find what is at the root of your belief is to question things and to ask yourself these three prompts, “I’m so…” “I can’t…” “I’ll never…” Then, when you have some time and when you have some space, take a pen to paper and see shows up. You’re going to find your limiting beliefs at the end of those prompts. Once you see them written out, then at that point you can question yourself and ask: “Is this really true?” “Is this a fact or is it just a belief?”

If it’s a belief, it can be changed for something that serves you so much better.

So I invite you to find out what your beliefs are because they are at the root of your habits, your behaviors, your actions, your personality, and the way life shows up for you.  Or, are they facts? We have so much power to change a belief that doesn’t serve us but the first step is finding out if it’s something we can control (a belief) or something we can’t (a fact). Hope that helps.

Have you discovered a beliefs that’s been holding you back? What did you do to change it?

Dr. Debi
PBTInstitute.com

When Confusion is a Good Thing with Dr. Debi Silber

Hi. Dr. Debi here. Here’s something I see all the time and maybe this is happening to you. After something like betrayal, we’re shattered, we’re reeling from our crisis, and then we get to this place of intense confusion. I see so many people getting so down on themselves, they say:,”Why am I so confused? I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go, what to think about all of this.”

I’m going to give you a visual reference to help understand this. Imagine you are running as fast as you can in one direction. You’re running as fast as you can and then all of a sudden you realize: “Oh my gosh, this direction is not taking me where I want to go.” Once you make that realization, you slow down and eventually stop. Once you stop, you pivot, and you get yourself ready to run in a completely different direction.

This confusion is that same space.

What the confusion represents is that life as you’ve known it, the old paradigm, the old routine, the old way, has come to an end-whether intentionally or unintentionally. It’s not that what you were doing was wrong, because you’re supposed to learn something incredible or gain something valuable because of your traumatic experience.

What could that lesson be?

Maybe it’s time to learn that new boundaries need to be put into place. Maybe you realize that you are lovable, worthy, and deserving. Whatever your particular lesson is, that crash leading to that confusion is your realization that that old version and those old rules and that whole old way no longer serves.

When the dust settles from all of that, you slowly learn: “Wow, okay, this is what I want. This is what I need. These are the new rules and this is what I see so clearly now.” That’s what emerges from that confusion you may be experiencing  maybe right this very moment. It looks like confusion but it’s really the end of an old way to think/feel/act before the new way is uncovered/discovered/revealed. 

That confusion leads to intense and amazing clarity. So, please don’t get down on yourself because of it, because it’s going to lead to something great.

Again, the easiest way to see this is this way: It’s as if you’re running so hard, so fast in one direction that is not in your best interest anymore. You realize it. You stop. You pivot. You’re about to run in the right direction or the direction that truly serves you. That confusion you’re feeling is that stop, realize, pivot, right before you’re about to run in the right direction. So don’t get down on yourself about being confused, it leads to intense and amazing clarity. Hope that helps.

Have you experienced this? Comment and share!

Dr. Debi

P.S. Do you have Post Betrayal Syndrome? Take the quiz and see to what extent you may be struggling.

What Real Strength Looks Like

I’m convinced that there is no one stronger than someone who has healed from a painful experience with betrayal. Every day I work with the most incredible people who are rebuilding their lives after everything they’ve known has been torn down.

1-The person they trusted the most blindsided them.
2-The life they expected has shattered into a million pieces.
3-The dreams they envisioned have been destroyed.
4-Their health, confidence and even their sanity takes a nose dive.

Yet, even with all that, there’s a tiny seed of hope, a glimmer of possibility where although they don’t believe it fully, they think: “Can I heal from this?”

Then they find a reason to try. If not for them, for their children. Anything that can give them incentive to move through this unimaginable pain they never saw coming.

That’s the first step. Then they slowly come to realize that just because it happened TO them, it’s not ABOUT them.

This is a tough one to accept but when they do, they have even more motivation to heal.

They create their own “recipe” of what works for them, learn that although many well meaning people in their lives are trying to help, advice from people who haven’t been through it can do more harm than good.

They find the right support, feel a little better and keep going. They build on it and as they do, they’re regaining their energy, their perspective and slowly creating an entirely new life filled with hope and possibility.

They slowly become a role model, a force to be reckoned with and they eventually learn that while it was done to them and it was never about them, it was actually done FOR them.

They create radiant health, new boundaries, new relationships, new dreams, goals and visions. They’re blown away by their own strength as they learn they’re so much stronger than they thought. They’re ready for new opportunities, new adventures and new possibilities.

They learn that the person who hurt them the most was their greatest teacher and eventually, although they may not want to admit it, they’re grateful for all they learned through this trauma. As they stand up with a strength they never knew they had, they’ve achieved an amazing state of healing-Post Betrayal Transformation (PBT). Everyone around them knows the old version of them no longer exists and if they can’t step up or keep up with them, they simply fade away. This amazing rebuilt soul has an entirely new way to look at life. They’re wary to trust yet go for it anyway. They’re scared of a new opportunity but realize nothing could be nearly as scary as what they’ve just been through. They live more, laugh more, love more as they realize all of this was an incredibly painful yet life altering opportunity to show them just how magnificent they are.

Yep, that’s what healing from betrayal looks like and I’m honored to be among you my fierce cohorts. With love and the deepest admiration for the journey you’re on, you got this.

Dr. Debi
Do you have Post Betrayal Syndrome? Take the quiz: https://thepbtinstitute.com/quiz/

The From Betrayal to Breakthrough Podcast is Coming!

On November 26th, we’re launching an all new podcast From Betrayal to Breakthrough! Get ready to hear from the most incredible doctors, therapists, wellness experts, healers, thought leaders and regular people-just like you and me. I’ll be sharing great stories, along with powerful ways to move forward and heal from the betrayal of a family member, partner, friend, etc.  Betrayal can knock us down but it doesn’t have to keep us there. Stay tuned and get ready for your breakthrough!
Is there a topic you want me to cover? Share your ideas, I’d love to know!

I Was Blown Away

Still flying from an incredible few days with the amazing Paul Young from the book and movie The Shack. He came to New York to speak at a charity/spiritual/inspirational seminar I’ve been privileged to be a part of for the last few years. All of the speakers took him into NYC for an amazing dinner at the famous Carmines, then to see the Donna Summer Broadway show (both were incredible!) Paul shared amazing stories about his life, what inspired him to write the book, the phenomenon it became and all it has led to.

Wm. Paul Young

Then, at the event, it was time to hear him speak. The audience was blown away by his authenticity, huge heart and loving spirit. Feeling so blessed to have had an opportunity to get to know this wonderful man and if you haven’t yet seen the movie or read the book, it’ll change you….just be sure to have tissues on hand ☺.

Have you read the book or seen the movie? How did it impact you? Let us know, comment and share!

Dr. Debi
www.PBTInstitute.com

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is defined as the manipulation of a person by having them question their sanity, and like the term, Narcissist, it has found its way into our everyday speech. So exactly how does a Gaslighter work, and who is susceptible to his/her manipulation?

Not surprisingly, empaths make great magnets for Narcissists and Gaslighters. The greatest characteristics of empaths are their overwhelmingly big hearts and their acute sensitivity. Empaths can care more for others than they might even for themselves. This makes them very susceptible to the manipulations of a Gaslighter.

So, how does gaslighting work? First, it’s important to realize that what the Gaslighter wants is control, and like most abusive personalities, the way they get to do that is by preying on your insecurities and making you dependent on them. They start by attacking and rocking your foundation, what’s near and dear to your heart, and by making you feel that there’s something not quite right about it and you. I have a friend who is a nurse; she loves and takes pride in her profession. Her Gaslighter doesn’t miss an opportunity to belittle her profession. According to him, nurses are “wannabe doctors” who don’t have what it takes to actually be a doctor. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth- my friend never wanted to be a doctor and she’s loved by every patient that’s lucky enough to be in her care, yet his criticism erodes her pride in being a nurse.

Another thing a Gaslighter will do is to make you doubt what you know. They do this by either telling you a full out lie which they will deny or by saying they didn’t say something you know they did. The reason this makes you doubt your sanity is because people don’t normally act that way. If a friend told you that they wanted to go for coffee later on in the week, you certainly wouldn’t expect them to tell you they said no such thing when you reached out to firm up the date. If they did, you’d be a little off kilter because who would say that they never said something so benign and silly like they wanted to meet for coffee, when they actually did? What’s unsettling about this tactic is that when done often enough, your inner dialogue can go from a dismissive shrug to “Well, you know how bad my memory is.”

Like many other abusive personalities, Gaslighters also use mental emotional schemes to isolate you. Remember, the name of the game here is control so the Gaslighter wants you to feel alone and separated from others so that you become dependent on him/her. Whether it’s trying to point out faults, inconsistencies or full out deception in your friends, the Gaslighter makes you believe that he/she is the only one who truly has your back. Ironically enough, while pointing out how untrustworthy your friends are, the Gaslighter will also make derogatory statements about you, your so-called insecurities, and mental instability to both you and the outside world. “Oh, don’t worry about her, she’s always takes things personally,” or “That’s just the way he is; he’s always reading way too much into things,” are common statements you’ll hear from a Gaslighter.

Another common approach used by Gaslighters is projection. They will often accuse you of what they feel and believe. This is an effective unbalancing technique for a couple of reasons. First, the natural response is the desire to set the record straight regarding your true feelings, and when that doesn’t fly, the Gaslighter uses this as yet another example of how unclear and unsure you are about your thoughts and feelings. They might even go to the extent of blaming your inability to think and act clearly for the problems in the relationship.

You may be asking yourself why anyone stays in a relationship with a Gaslighter. Similarly to other abusive relationships, the Gaslighter isn’t always demeaning. Every now and then he/she will compliment you, do something thoughtful and kind, or even praise you. This goes a long way in keeping you off-balance. Because you know they can be kind and wonderful, like a smoker craving nicotine, you’re looking for and waiting on the fix. When you get it, mentally the validation that you were seeking reinforces that he/she isn’t such a terrible person because of the kindness they showed you.

Although empaths and highly sensitive people are prone to Gaslighters and Narcissists, they are not the only ones who are subject to such abuse. Anyone who puts the needs of others above their own is susceptible to manipulation which is why it is very important to take time to take care of not only your mental and physical needs, but your spiritual and emotional needs, as well. When we are not centered and balanced we leave ourselves prone to getting taken advantage of. In a recent study I conducted on betrayal, I identified five stages from Betrayal to Breakthough. The first stage is the set up. In all of my participants, including myself, there was an imbalance between the mental/physical and the emotional/spiritual facets of their lives. They were so busy taking care of business, that they didn’t tend their emotional and spiritual well-being. This imbalance runs the risk of leaving you vulnerable to being exploited.

So what can you do?

  1. Get clarity- know and understand your thoughts and feelings.
  2. Take time for yourself- meditate, journal, exercise- this will help you to be centered.
  3. Set healthy boundaries- know what you will and won’t accept from others.
  4. Be aware- knowing and understanding how manipulators work, can help you to avoid being controlled.
  5. Don’t be afraid to walk away- we are all here to help each other learn and grow. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with releasing that which doesn’t serve you with light and love.

No one likes to be taken advantage of, knowing and understanding how Gaslighters work prevents you from falling prey to their emotional fires.

Have you had an experience with a Gaslighter that you’d like to share? Let me know.

~Dr. Debi
www.thepbtinstitute.com

Preventing Self-Sabotage

Have you ever been in a situation like this: you were on the way to getting the job of your dreams, achieving your weight loss goal, or you met the person who really looks like what you’ve been looking for a long time, and somehow you managed to sabotage yourself?

So, why is it that we consciously or subconsciously derail our very best efforts that would help us get what we want? Although some reasons may have to do with fear: the fear of change, fear of being vulnerable, fear of actually succeeding, there are other reasons why we may end up sabotaging ourselves.

Here are 5 things you can do to help you prevent it:

  1. Ride with the tide and not against it:

Sometimes, instead of going with the flow, we go against it. Our intuition tells us that there may be an easier way, but our minds have convinced us that we know better. Just because something has worked in the past or is working for someone else doesn’t mean that it’s going to work for you in this particular situation. There’s no “one-size-fits-all” when it comes to health, business, or relationships, so going with the flow not only keeps your creative energy flowing, but it also allows you to work smarter not harder. Assuming someone else’s strategies will work for you or that you can count on the same old strategies can be a set-up for disappointment.

Your success is likely to be found in listening to many different types of strategies, synthesizing them all to create your own unique “recipe” for the situation, and then moving towards it daily.

  1. Stop running enthusiastically in the wrong direction:

One of my mentors said that to me once, and it hit me right between the eyes. When it seems as if every effort is bringing us to a dead end, when we’re met with continual resistance with each attempt, it’s often the Universe’s way of saying, “You’re going the wrong way!” Very often we get subtle little signs that we’re headed in the wrong direction, yetinstead of pausing for a moment to regroup, we interpret the hints to mean that we’re simply not working hard enough. So, what do we do? We dig in our heels in and work twice as hard (I’ve done this so often I can’t even count that high J). Eventually, we may end up changing course, but not until we’ve expended twice as much energy as we needed to, if not more.

People usually see taking time to breathe as wasting time; however, it can actually afford you the opportunity to assess what’s going on, as well as provide us with insights as to how to “regroup”. I have a friend who whenever the answer she’s looking for isn’t clear, she walks away from it. She believes that when she’s away from the challenge, her subconscious mind continues to search for solutions without her mind getting in the way. 9 out of 10 times, she’s said when she returns, with “fresh eyes”, the solution is there- staring right at her.

While many of us (myself included), believe that this approach shows our commitment and determination. Taking a step back reveals a fresh way of looking at the issue that will allow us to work smarter not harder. Success is often found when letting go of what’s not working and allowing the Universe the time and space to redirect our focus and energy.

  1. Stop forcing and trying to control an outcome:

Having faith and trusting in ourselves and the world around us can be very difficult which is why we love to be in control, but would you plant a seed and keep digging it up to make sure that it is in fact growing? Not only does that sound counterproductive, but it will stop the plant’s development. The same is true about us and our success. Instead of putting in our best efforts, then letting go and allowing the process to unfold, we often try to control the outcome and slow down our own progress. We believe that there couldn’t possibly be a better plan or outcome than the one we want so we don’t allow our efforts to thrive organically.

So, here’s something to consider, what if you let go of the outcome you’re trying to create and trust. Could something so much better than what you’ve imagined emerge? That’s usually what happens when we let go and allow.

  1. Stop “getting off the highway too soon”:

I have an odd habit of driving somewhere, and if I get the sense that I should have gotten off the exit by a certain time, I’ll get off the next exit regardless of where I am (makes no sense, I know, just being honest). What usually happens is that the exit I needed was the very next one, and if I had just hung in there, everything would have worked out just fine. So, I have to remind myself and my Type A+++ personality (can anyone relate?) to be patient. It’s easy for me to get discouraged and assume that since something isn’t happening on my timeline, that it’s not going to happen at all- even when that could be the furthest thing from the truth. When things aren’t happening according to my timeline, I remind myself to stop “getting off the highway too soon.”

It’s easy to sabotage andbetrayyourself when you forget that everything happens in Divine time. Have patience…everything you want, or a better version of it, is on its way- even if it feels like it’s taking forever. Stop derailing your success by getting off the highway too soon.

  1. Stop numbing/distracting yourself and face it instead:

Food, drugs, alcohol, work, TV, keeping busy, along with reckless behavior are all things that we use to numb, avoid and distract ourselves. We often use these things to keep us from facing truths we don’t want to see or deal with. Unfortunately, if we keep ignoring the message we’re supposed to hear, the voice that tells us something needs changing only gets louder, as the stakes get higher.

For example, if it took two cookies to numb the voice, now it takes four. If it used to take one TV show to numb the voice, now you’re binge-watching an entire series. Instead of a glass of wine, you’re drinking two or three. Change is not easy but running from it is actually harder because it will catch up with you at some point.

There is a popular saying that “the pain of the fear of the event is far greater than the pain of the event itself,” and it’s so true. While facing what you’re trying to avoid may lead to temporary chaos, it’s also a sign for growth and change. When you address it, work through it and take the next steps based on what you find, though scary, you’re usually led to a place of strength and empowerment where the success you crave can be found.

Is success in the areas of health, business, relationships, and self-actualization eluding you? Are youbetrayingyourself with self-sabotage?

Life is all about growth.  Where are you’re getting stuck? Let me know, I’d like to help.

– Dr. Debi

www.thepbtinstitute.com

 

 

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