The shattering of trust has such a far reaching impact going way beyond how it impacts the relationship with the person who hurt you. It has a ripple effect where everyone and everything, including yourself, now comes into question.
The good news is you can heal from all of it and there’s even a proven, research based way to do just that when you move through the 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough. Here’s a quick look at a few ways it impacts your health, work and relationships.
Your Health
There’s a collection of symptoms, physical, mental, and emotional so common to betrayal that it’s known as Post Betrayal Syndrome.
People spend so much time, money, effort, and energy going to the most well-meaning doctors, coaches, healers, therapists––to manage a stress-related symptom, illness, condition, or disease. At the root of all that stress is often an unhealed betrayal. Here’s what an unhealed betrayal can look like with regards to your health.
You can have trouble sleeping, you’re exhausted and you could be using sugar or caffeine to help you stay up. Your immune system is compromised, your adrenals have tanked, you could be having digestive issues, weight changes, brain fog, and more.
Your Work
You want to be a team player, but you’re so afraid. The person you trusted the most proved untrustworthy––how can you trust a boss or coworker?
Or
You want to ask for that raise or promotion, you deserve it––but your confidence was shattered in that betrayal. Instead, you don’t ask and you’re bitter and resentful, and that’s the energy that you’re bringing into work every day.
Your Relationships
You’re full of heartbreak, sadness, anxiety, and grief because you’ve been blindsided by an experience with betrayal. You have a hard time trusting other people and it’s affecting your day-to-day relationships. Repeat betrayals (a clear sign of an unhealed betrayal) keep happening. You can also put that big wall up which prevents anyone from getting near you and your heart again. Sure you’re keeping out the bad ones…but you’re keeping out the good ones too.
You can’t undo a betrayal. But you’re in control of how long it affects your relationships, health, work, and life. The gift in betrayal is that it lays the foundation for transformation, that’s IF we’re willing to use the experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. IF you choose to rebuild your life and the aspects of yourself that were hard hit like rejection, abandonment, confidence, worthiness, belonging and trust.
Now for those who are coaches, healers, therapists, counselors and practitioners…
The best coaches and healers have been there themselves or have watched a loved one struggle through a dark and painful time. It’s what often gives us the greatest sense of satisfaction and purpose as we shorten someone else’s learning curve with what we now see so clearly. From the time that client tentatively takes that first step, we’re rooting for them, guiding and supporting them as they cautiously lean into our support until they’re able to trust in themselves once again.
In my 30 years of coaching (yep, it’s been a long time), I’ve found that representing the work is one of the greatest ways we continue to do the work ourselves…and at the same time, it prevents us from falling too far off track. When it comes to helping others heal from betrayal, there’s been no better way for our Certified PBT Coaches and Practitioners (whether working within The PBT Institute or on their own) to continue with their own healing as they help countless others do the same
Sounds interesting? You can learn more about it here. While we can’t end betrayal, we can heal ourselves and help others do the same so they can feel safe again, love again, trust again.
Dr. Debi
CEO and Founder, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute