Not long ago, I did a study on betrayal. The research was on what holds us back, what helps us heal, and what happens to us physically, mentally and emotionally when the people closest to us lie, cheat and deceive. That study led to three groundbreaking discoveries.

One of the discoveries was that betrayal is a different type of trauma or crisis. It feels so different than for example, the loss of a loved one, or disease.

Why is betrayal different?

I had been through death of a loved one and I’d been through a disease but betrayal felt so different for me. I didn’t want to assume that was the same for everyone else. So I asked my study participants, “If you’ve been through other traumas, is it different for you?” Unanimously, they said, “Oh, my gosh, it’s so different.” And here’s why.

Because it feels so intentional, we take it so personally.

With betrayal, the whole self is shattered. Think about it; rejection, abandonment, belonging, confidence, worthiness, trust. They’re all shattered after a betrayal.

When you lose someone you love, for example, you grieve, you mourn, you’re sad and life will never be the same. But you don’t question your ability to trust. You don’t question the relationship. You don’t have to rebuild the self.

What is Post Betrayal Transformation-PBT®?

Betrayal is so different because you have to completely rebuild the self. So not only are you rebuilding your life, which is the invitation we receive with posttraumatic growth, where you’re rebuilding this new life because of your experience, but with betrayal, you also have to rebuild the self. So with that, I coined a new term called Post Betrayal Transformation-PBT®. That’s the complete and total rebuild of your life AND yourself after experience with betrayal.

Betrayal is very different, which means it requires a very different type of healing. Healing requires moving through the proven and predictable Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough. Most people land and stay stuck in Stage three. The worst of it is over, you owe it to yourself to move through Stage four, Stage five and beyond. It’s not just hopeful, there’s a roadmap for it. It’s predictable and the version of you waiting in Stages 4 and 5 is so worth it.

What will you lose?

Lots of the physical, mental and emotional symptoms of Post Betrayal Syndrome that have been lingering due to your experience. You’ll also lose the old story, the feeling of being stuck, anxious, sad, frustrated, and to be honest, you may lose your interest in those who stay in the victim place and remain stuck.

What else?

You’ll lose the old beliefs and behaviors that had you believing you were less than, unworthy, unlovable or undeserving in any way while at the same time, it’s likely you’ll lose your interest in those that don’t value you and what you need now.

What will you gain?

Peace, freedom, confidence, health, personal power and joy. What else? The opportunity for new relationships (either with someone new or a very different relationship with the person who hurt you), new businesses, passion projects, friendships and other things you didn’t have access when you were stuck in Stage 3.

Of course, the choice is yours but as Mary Oliver said in her famous quote:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

Staying stuck, experiencing repeat betrayals, experiencing the symptoms that go along with it for years, even decades is what you can expect if nothing changes and you deserve something much better than that. Let’s get you feeling better.

Dr. Debi-A Trusted Resource in an Untrusting Niche

Dr. Debi Silber, Founder and CEO of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute is an award-winning speaker, bestselling author, holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert who helps (along with her incredibly gifted Certified PBT-Post Betrayal Transformation Coaches and Practitioners) a predictable, proven multi-pronged approach to help people heal (physically, mentally and emotionally) from the trauma of betrayal.