The Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery Every Coach, Therapist and Counselor Should Know

If you’re a coach, therapist, or healer, you’ve likely supported clients get unstuck, support them through breakups, burnout, grief, and trauma. But betrayal brings a different kind of devastation—and without a specific framework, your clients may stay stuck for years.

That’s why, during my PhD research on betrayal, I discovered something game-changing:

Healing from betrayal follows a predictable path.

It’s called the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough™, and it’s one of the most important tools you can use to help clients heal—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Let’s break it down, Stage by Stage.

Stage One: Over-Reliance on the Physical and Mental Self

This Stage is often where your client was before the betrayal. They were highly functional—busy, productive, and focused on “doing” and “thinking.” But they were often disconnected from the emotional and spiritual parts of themselves—the “feeling” and “being.”

Like a table missing two legs, it only takes one jolt (the betrayal) to knock the whole system over.

Many clients in Stage One didn’t see it coming. And they never imagined that their focus on achievement or control was quietly leaving them vulnerable. (That’s not to say that this setup invites betrayal, it’s simply a profile making the shock of betrayal even harder on the body, mind and heart.)

Stage Two: The Breakdown of the Body, Mind, and Worldview

This is D-Day—Discovery Day.

This is when your client learns the truth. Their world shatters. Their trust is broken. Their body goes into survival mode, launching the stress response and igniting the physical, mental, and emotional symptoms of Post Betrayal Syndrome® (PBS®).

They’ll describe this moment as:

“It felt like the ground disappeared.”
“Everything I believed just collapsed.”
“I don’t even recognize myself.”

Stage Two is emotionally raw, disorienting, and physically draining. And it’s where the real healing work begins.

Stage Three: Survival Instincts Emerge

Most clients land here—and stay here.
They’ve survived the betrayal. They’re functioning. But they’re far from healed.

This is where they:

Numb out with food, work, overthinking, or scrolling
Seek relief for symptoms (gut issues, anxiety, exhaustion) without understanding the root cause
Rehash their story repeatedly in therapy without progress
Form identities around the pain: “I’m the betrayed one,” “I can’t trust anyone,” “I’ll never recover from this”

Stage Three is comfortable discomfort. It’s familiar. And unless a trained professional helps them see what’s happening and move forward, they’ll stay here indefinitely.

Stage Four: Finding and Adjusting to a New Normal

In Stage Four, clients begin to reclaim agency. They realize:
“I can’t undo what happened, but I can choose what to do with it.”

This is when you’ll see them:

Set boundaries
Redefine values
Change their environment
Begin building new habits and relationships from a place of intention

Here, healing becomes conscious. They’re not just surviving—they’re actively choosing to grow.

Stage Five: Healing, Rebirth, and a New Worldview

This is the breakthrough.
Clients in Stage Five feel more grounded, more self-aware, and more aligned than ever before.

They’ve healed their bodies, calmed their nervous systems, reprogrammed disempowering beliefs, and developed emotional intelligence rooted in hard-won wisdom.

This is when they say:

“I’m so different now—in the best way.”
“I would never have chosen this, but I’m grateful for who I’ve become.”
“I finally feel free.”

What This Means for You as a Practitioner

Your clients don’t need to stay stuck in survival mode.
But they do need a map—and a guide who knows how to walk them through it.

When you become a Certified PBT® (Post Betrayal Transformation) Coach or Practitioner, you’ll be able to:

Identify exactly what stage your client is in
Use stage-specific tools at the appropriate time to move them forward
Address the root cause of physical and emotional symptoms
Provide a predictable path through even the most destabilizing betrayal experiences

Instead of feeling at a loss as to why your client isn’t moving forward, hoping your words finally “click” or feeling that your client simply needs to feel heard, validated and understood, you’ll help your clients create real, lasting transformation with research backed tools, strategies and insight to get them there.

Healing Is a Choice—and a Predictable One

Most practitioners help clients manage the aftermath of betrayal because they may not know there’s a predictable path to move strategically through it.

With the PBT® Method, along with the great work you’re already doing, you can help them heal physically, mentally and emotionally—and emerge stronger, healthier, more confident and happier than before.

If you’re ready to work at the level of true and lasting change, join us.

👉 Become a Certified Post Betrayal Transformation® Coach or Practitioner
Learn more and apply here.

Because the worst already happened.
Now it’s time to help your clients use their trauma as the catalyst for their greatest growth.

Dr. Debi Silber, Founder and CEO of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and National Forgiveness Day is a WBENC-Certified WBE (Women’s Business Enterprise), an award-winning speaker, bestselling author, holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert who helps (along with her incredibly gifted Certified PBT-Post Betrayal Transformation Coaches and Practitioners) a predictable, proven multi-pronged approach to help people heal (physically, mentally and emotionally) from the trauma of shattered trust and betrayal.