My Thoughts on the Viral Coldplay Reveal
Lots of people are asking me what I think of the Coldplay KissCam reveal. (I guess that’s what happens when you specialize in helping people move through betrayal trauma).
A few things:
1-Shock: My heart breaks for his wife who was just delivered a shock to her body, mind and heart. I don’t know anything about their relationship (and it’s entirely personal so I don’t need to) but the shock of a D-Day (discovery day) creates a psychological earthquake. Her world has now been compartmentalized into two camps: before and after that moment. She’s also now in a club she never asked to be in and if they have kids old enough to understand what their dad just did? They’re now in an incredibly difficult spot dealing with the pain and hurt along with feelings of embarrassment, shame, disgust, disappointment, sadness, fear (what’s going to happen to their family), and so much more.
2-Devastation: When you give your heart and trust to someone, it’s a precious gift. To have that gift disregarded and treated as if that original promise/commitment/vow never happened is beyond painful to experience.
3-Confusion: There’s something so incredibly disorienting when you’re living your life, believing that everyone is maintaining the roles within the relationship. It gives us a sense of grounding, of safety, of security. When someone suddenly pulls that mask of and reveals they’ve been living a secret life it’s hard for us to wrap our brain around.
4-Sadness: Everyone wants to feel seen, heard, chosen. Although it has NOTHING to do with the person who was betrayed, anyone betrayed feels as if they somehow weren’t enough because if they were, why would the person who says they love them make those choices (and betrayal should never be minimized as if it were a “mistake.” It’s a choice and a really bad one.)
5-An opportunity for the betrayed: I’d never say this if I hadn’t experienced it and have seen it countless times. While there’s a TREMENDOUS storm to move through, once we’re cracked wide open, we have an opportunity to decide who we want to now become. As we’re a bit further along in our healing, we can look at our old selves and decide what we’ve outgrown, what no longer serves, what we’re ready for now and who we want to be. That’s when a version of us slowly gets to be birthed BECAUSE of the massive trauma we’ve faced. That’s the opportunity that’s so often missed but it’s the gift in the rubble that’s waiting once we’ve been “initiated” by the massive pain and destruction we’re now forced to face. When we do, we become someone new. Someone not hardened, but healed. Someone strong, confident, healed and whole. When we walk through that trauma, we become someone we’re so proud of because of what we’ve been able to do and when we do that, that’s trauma well served.
Hoping this serves as a wake up call for anyone who is about to break the heart and trust of another. I also hope it helps those hurting to realize while it may have been the hardest moment of your life to experience, it’s also the most transformative. I see you, I’m with you, you got this.
Coaches/Practitioners: Feel called to help someone through this? We teach you how in our PBT® (Post Betrayal Transformation®) Certification Program. More about it here:
Dr. Debi Silber, Founder and CEO of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and National Forgiveness Day is a WBENC-Certified WBE (Women’s Business Enterprise), an award-winning speaker, bestselling author, holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert who helps (along with her incredibly gifted Certified PBT-Post Betrayal Transformation Coaches and Practitioners) a predictable, proven multi-pronged approach to help people heal (physically, mentally and emotionally) from the trauma of shattered trust and betrayal.