Collective betrayal.
I think that sums up what we’re all feeling.
Betrayed by the people we’ve put our trust in.
Betrayed by the people we thought would protect us.
Betrayed by the ones we thought had our best interest in mind.
Betrayed by the ones we thought were so talented, special and intriguing.
What’s worse? We’re also feeling…
Betrayed by our discernment.
Betrayed by our ability to trust ourselves enough to know who is safe and who isn’t. Betrayed by our own BS meters that we now consider functionally and fundamentally flawed.
It’s a call for self-trust. First, give yourself some grace. While others were causing harm, acting inappropriately, hurting others, we weren’t aware of it because we were living our life. Working, raising kids, taking care of our obligations and spending time with those we love. We weren’t scanning for betrayal, for deception, for lies. We were “doing life” and assumed others were too.
Next, we can and we will rebuild trust in ourselves and maybe we won’t be as casual assuming that the latest expert or guru knows all of the answers. We won’t hand over our trust just because someone wraps up information in a glittery package, looks like they know more than us, or says something they intuitively know we’ve been craving to hear.
Instead, we’ll realize that self trust, empowerment, strength and personal power are created when we stop handing that power over and begin to trust in ourselves instead.
So yes. While everything is crumbling, anything that was real will always stand strong. Let it crumble, let it fall. Then, grieve what was lost (a betrayal of our expectations, of what we thought we had and don’t, of what we thought we knew and didn’t), then look at what’s left and rebuild with care and discernment.
The beautiful rebuild happens when we intentionally rebuild according to intention, values, integrity, compassion, kindness and what’s in EVERYONE’S best interest, not just those with compelling personas.
It’s all changing because it needed to. Consider a new practice going forward where we check for congruency in someone’s words, actions, behaviors and mannerisms. Why? We feel safe when something is consistent and predictable throughout. Not when someone says one thing but does another. Not when someone represents one message but embodies another. Not when someone teaches and preaches one thing, but lives another.
When things are built on a rocky and unstable foundation, they can’t stand strong. But, once the rubble is cleared, it’s up to us to build a solid, new and unshakable foundation upon which something beautiful can stand. I’m here for the rebuild and hope you are too.
Sending love and strength during these turbulent times. It’s times like these that bring us back to what matters most…and maybe that’s the whole point.
Dr. Debi