January 1st brings with it more than just a date change. Very often as we ring in the New Year, we ring in a desire for newness- a hope to start fresh, to reach goals where we might have fallen short, to right wrongs, and to give ourselves another shot at achieving what we envision for our lives.

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Our goals are often pretty noble:

1. Physically- Most people want to be a healthier and stronger version of themselves. Gym and weight loss memberships soar. Workout areas are packed with hopeful, eager participants who have no doubt that they’ll achieve their goal in the next couple of months, whether realistic or not.
2. Mentally- We are prepared. It’s okay that last year didn’t turn out as planned. We have a fresh new slate upon which to write a whole new script. Our goals are fueled with the belief that anything is possible, and we have a whole brand-new year to achieve what we were not able to in the past.
3. Emotionally- New beginnings bring us hope. There’s some inherent excitement at being able to start over. We purchase new calendars, new appointment books, and new journals. This, this is the year we are going to get grounded, centered and secure. Our new selves will allow us to enjoy relationships at a deeper, more authentic, and fulfilling level. Dating sites enjoy an increased flurry of activity as our new-found optimism fuels an expectation and anticipation that the partner who has eluded us in the past will be found.
4. Spiritually- Time for meditation, yoga, and connecting with Spirit has made it onto our calendars. Mantras are developed, affirmations are said, spiritual practices are established. Since 600 BC we have used this time, culturally symbolized with the Baby New Year, to believe that we can create the life we’ve always wanted…even if we haven’t been able to create it until now.

Then…February hits. Slowly but surely, the gyms are less crowded. The concept of writing a new script has somehow fallen into the recesses of our minds. The calendar and appointment books are now filled with the same things we fill them with every year. The beautiful clean pages are filled with cross-outs, penciled in responsibilities and last-minute additions. Meditation time has been replaced with hitting the snooze button and our greatest mantra becomes, “Oh, God” or one that helps us release frustration and exasperation.

What happens between January and February 1^stand why does it happen to so many of us- even with such noble of goals? The truth is that it’s impossible to create a new reality or a new life when the same old you shows up. As much as you would truly like or want to change the conditions of your life, it’s impossible if nothing has changed within you- the co-creator. Dr. Joe Dispenza, world-renowned scientist, teacher, lecturer, and author, explains this beautifully when he explains how if you bring all of your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions of the past into the present, you can only recreate what you have always known.

We see this so often in relationships. Someone wants a loving, healthy, and fulfilling relationship to make them happy. They may even truly believe that they are worthy and deserving of a great relationship but the truth is that if they are not happy, healthy and whole within themselves, they’re not going to find it outside of themselves- regardless of the nature of the relationship.

That is one of the many reasons I love the work that I do with betrayal. Very few people have never been betrayed, and betrayal doesn’t always leave an indelible mark on our hearts. For the purpose of my study, I defined betrayal as the breaking of a spoken or unspoken rule by someone who has put his/her needs before your own and your wellbeing. Understandably, what I found in my study was that the deeper the relationship, the more dependent you were on the betrayer, the greater the wound of betrayal. If you are betrayed by an acquaintance, it won’t have the same effect as being betrayed by a best friend, partner, or spouse. I also learned that the wounds of betrayal can run so deep, that people can stay “stuck” for months, years, or even a lifetime.

So think about it, how do you show up for happy, healthy, fulfilling relationships when you aren’t showing up that way? Betrayal can leave us feeling sick, stuck, small, vulnerable and struggling with what I’ve identified to be Post Betrayal Syndrome™.  In addition, to be able to recognize the symptoms of Post Betrayal Syndrome, I have also developed a tried and true process that will move you from Betrayal to Breakthrough so that you can be your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual best. So much so that I even created the Post Betrayal Transformation (PBT) Institute to help people heal from betrayal.

As much as we would love to simply wave a magic wand and create the life of our dreams, it doesn’t work that way. The New Year is a beautiful time to start fresh, and the hope and enthusiasm it brings is inspiring and challenging. When working to achieve those new goals, it’s important to know who’s showing up. Are you working out with the same plan and strategy that didn’t work well for you last time? Are you attending the weight loss meeting with the same eating habits that got you there to begin with?

Whatever your goal, whatever life you wish to create, your intentions, beliefs, and habits have to work in tandem- from the inside, out. Our abundant Universe is ready and willing to bring you all that you need. Your job is to make sure that the past doesn’t seep into the present to create your future. Here’s to being your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual best this New Year and beyond.

Resources

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

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