How Would your Healed Version React?

Turning the Tide:
How Your Healing Stage Dictates Your Life’s Choices

Have you ever stood at life’s crossroads, feeling the weight of a thousand decisions bearing down on you? We’re making choices constantly – from the trivial to the transformative. But here’s the kicker: the stage of healing from betrayal we’re in can color these decisions in profound ways.

Picture this: stages of healing as different lenses through which we view the world. In the aftermath of betrayal, we often find ourselves moving through Five Stages (The 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough), from the raw pain of betrayal to the liberating air of breakthrough. If you’re navigating through the foggy terrain of Stages Three or Four, your decisions will likely reflect that: tainted with the haze of hurt, confusion, and sometimes, a desire for short-term relief over long-term benefit. That’s why I advocate for a quest towards stage Five – the stage of clarity, strength, and empowerment.

The Strategy

Imagine consulting the wisest, most composed version of yourself before making any choice. That’s the ‘Stage Five’ strategy – it’s about embodying the person who has transcended past struggles and now acts from a place of insight and balance. In our latest session at The PBT Institute, this concept came to life. One member, in the throes of separation, found herself grappling with co-parenting complexities. By playing out her decisions and observing her reactions, she discovered which choices felt right and which didn’t resonate. It was a practical demonstration of how consulting our ‘Stage Five’ self could illuminate the path forward.

The Body Knows

So, how do we make decisions that resonate with our future, more evolved selves? Start by getting in touch with your body. It’s a barometer for your emotional and psychological state. If a decision leaves you feeling tight and constricted, it may be a sign it’s not the right choice. On the contrary, a decision that allows you to breathe easier and feel expanded is likely in alignment with your best interests.

Consider the woman from our group. When she viewed her dilemma from her ‘Stage Five’ perspective, the right decision – though a tough one – became clear. It’s a powerful reminder that we often know more than we think we do; we just need to tap into our inner wisdom.

Stage 5 Reflected in Our Work Too

This strategy isn’t just for personal scenarios; it’s equally transformative in professional contexts. Think about it. The business decisions we agonize over can often be simplified when filtered through the lens of our ‘Stage Five’ self. What feels like a mountain might merely be a molehill when viewed from the summit of breakthrough.

What’s At Risk?

Change, of course, isn’t always easy. It threatens to upend the status quo, to shuffle the deck of our well-ordered lives. But ask yourself, what’s the cost of complacency? If you project your current path into the future, does it lead to a vision you’re eager to reach?

And if you’re thinking, “This all sounds great, but I’m not there yet,” that’s okay. The journey to Stage Five isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. It’s about incremental changes that steer you closer to the person you aspire to be. It could be as simple as choosing a healthier meal, setting boundaries with a friend, or volunteering for that daunting project at work. Each decision is a stepping stone towards a future where you are the best version of yourself.

Something Better…Even if You Can’t See it Yet

I often reflect on my personal journey – returning to school for a PhD while healing from my own betrayal, and while raising 4 kids, 6 dogs, running my business all while battling intense pain, fear and self-doubt. It was a dark and painful time and without yet knowing how to move through it, I knew that if change was going to happen, it was going to be due to doing something differently in order to get a different result. It was a quest fueled by the conviction that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and a better ‘Stage Five’ me waiting to be discovered.

Let’s Wrap it Up

So, whether you’re facing life-changing choices or everyday dilemmas, challenge yourself to think, act, and decide as your ‘Stage Five’ self would. Embrace the discomfort of growth, because it’s in those moments that we truly find ourselves. And who knows? You might just find that the person you’re becoming has been within you all along, waiting for the moment to take the reins and change the course of your story.

Let’s make every decision count, not just for today, but for the tomorrow we’re all striving towards.

Dr. Debi-A Trusted Resource in an Untrusting Niche

Dr. Debi Silber, Founder and CEO of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and  National Forgiveness Day is a WBENC-Certified WBE (Women’s Business Enterprise), an award-winning speaker, bestselling author, holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert who helps (along with her incredibly gifted Certified PBT-Post Betrayal Transformation Coaches and Practitioners) a predictable, proven multi-pronged approach to help people heal (physically, mentally and emotionally) from the trauma of shattered trust and betrayal.