Can People Really Change After Betrayal? Here’s What I’ve Seen

One of the most common questions I get—on social media, in client sessions, in workshops—is this:

“Can people really change after they betray someone?”

It’s a fair question.
When trust is shattered, the fallout is massive. As practitioners, our job isn’t to give false hope or sweeping statements.
It’s to help our clients see clearly, heal fully, and choose wisely—whether that means rebuilding with someone or walking away.

Here’s what I’ve learned—through personal experience, clinical research, and thousands of client journeys.

Betrayal Reveals or Awakens

When someone betrays a client, one of two things happens:

🟥 1. It reveals who they truly are.

This is the person who:

  • Deflects responsibility

  • Minimizes the damage

  • Shows no remorse

  • Blames the betrayed party for “making them do it”

These individuals aren’t ready—or willing—to change.
In those cases, the client must focus on healing themselves and moving forward.

You can’t want healing more than they do.

🟩 2. It becomes a wake-up call.

Some betrayers are shocked by the impact of their actions. For the first time, they take full accountability.
They’re willing to change—and not just talk about it, but show it, daily.

Even then, reconciliation isn’t guaranteed.
Some betrayed clients have no intention of staying—and that’s valid.
Others are open, but cautiously watching for consistent, long-term transformation.

Here’s What Really Matters: Rebuild Yourself First

Regardless of the outcome, your client must do one thing before they rebuild any relationship:

Rebuild themselves.

Why? Because betrayal isn’t just emotional pain. It’s:

  • A hit to the nervous system

  • A dismantling of identity

  • A collapse of trust in others and in self

Clients need a roadmap that helps them make sense of the chaos, grieve what’s been lost, and step into who they’re becoming.

That’s why I created the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough—a proven, research-based model that helps clients move from pain to personal power.

What You Can Do as a Practitioner

When you’re trained in betrayal recovery, you’ll learn to:

  • Spot where clients are stuck (especially in Stage 3—survival mode)

  • Help them release the physical, mental, and emotional symptoms of betrayal (Post Betrayal Syndrome® – PBS®)

  • Guide them into a new identity that’s rooted in wholeness, not woundedness

  • Support them whether they choose to heal and move on—or heal and rebuild

Here’s the truth I share with clients:

There’s no going back to the old relationship.
If anything is going to be rebuilt, it has to be completely new.

That takes effort, intention, and often, professional support.

The Numbers Don’t Lie

Out of over 100,000 people who’ve taken our Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz,
84% say they struggle to trust again.

That’s not a minor issue. That’s an epidemic.

You can help change that.

👉 Become a Certified PBT® (Post Betrayal Transformation) Coach or Practitioner
Learn more and apply here.

There’s no quick fix. But there is a path.
One that leads to strength, clarity, and confidence—whether the client rebuilds with someone else or simply reclaims their own life.

Dr. Debi SilberFounder and CEO of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and  National Forgiveness Day is a WBENC-Certified WBE (Women’s Business Enterprise), an award-winning speaker, bestselling author, holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert who helps (along with her incredibly gifted Certified PBT-Post Betrayal Transformation Coaches and Practitioners) a predictable, proven multi-pronged approach to help people heal (physically, mentally and emotionally) from the trauma of shattered trust and betrayal.

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