Why does betrayal hurt so much? This was the person or these were the people who gave you a sense of safety and security. So, when this is the person or these are the people to shatter that very sense of safety and security it’s traumatizing. Out of the three discoveries made during my PhD study, this was the first discovery-betrayal IS a different type of trauma.

Because it feels so intentional, we take it so personally. The entire self gets shattered and needs to be rebuilt. Rejection, abandonment, worthiness, trust, confidence and more all get impacted by betrayal and all need to be rebuilt. Betrayal invites you not only to rebuild your life after your experience, it also invites you to rebuild yourself. While it’s traumatizing, here’s the opportunity because you get to rebuild yourself in a way that’s deliberate and intentional. Whatever you’ve outgrown, whatever no longer works for you, whatever habits you no longer want, whatever beliefs no longer make sense…you get to let them all go and create new ones that catapult you towards creating your new self.

Post Betrayal Transformation®  and every bit of it is earned.

I remember the shock and heartbreak of betrayal well and couldn’t imagine ever being able to find solid ground again. But, through moving through what we now know as The 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough I can honestly say that I’m the happiest, strongest and most confident I’ve ever been…if I can do it, you can too. And, there wasn’t a roadmap when I did it, now there is.

For those of you who don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, I promise, it’s there.  Your life has taken a turn you never expected-get the support you need from those who truly get it and can help you during this fragile time so the caterpillar (you) can become the butterfly (the you waiting on the other side of your healing)!

Take this time to rebuild self trust (which is shattered in a betrayal) by saying something and meaning it. Make promises to yourself and keep them-it’s so subtle but even little promises like “I’ll make that phone call, respond to that email, go out for that walk”, etc. all show you that YOU can be trusted and that’s part of rebuilding that strong foundation that was rocked with a betrayal. When you trust yourself, it’s a powerful feeling and no one but you can recreate that for you.

It’s a perfect time to let go of what no longer serves. So often we look at the New Year and it fills us with anxiety around what new goals we need to set, what new milestones we need to achieve and what new ideas we’ll put into action. How about instead, embracing the idea of letting go of old and outdated beliefs. How about releasing the beliefs that you’re too (fill in the blank) because you’re perfect (please read that 100 times if you need to). Anything else you are believing was someone else’s issue you bought into and it’s holding you back from seeing and realizing how beautiful you are-quirks and all. It doesn’t matter if you’ve believed it for decades, if it’s holding you back, it’s time to free yourself and let it go.

Here’s to releasing the old while creating and embracing a beautiful new you.

Wishing you a safe, healthy and happy New Year.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute