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November 1

Behavior & Mindset

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Our beliefs have a huge impact on our behavior. Not only do they have a huge impact on our behavior, it’s our beliefs that actually create our behaviors. So, if we want to change our existing results, instead of making changes to the behaviors you’d like to change, best to get to the root at how and why those behaviors were formed in the first place. How? By getting to the beliefs behind them. Since beliefs are at the root of it all, making changes to our beliefs is how we change our results.

For example, if you believe that you’ll never have a loving relationship, you’ll talk yourself out of anything contrary to that belief. If you believe you’re destined to live an unfulfilling live, you’ll steer clear of anything that can dismantle what you feel is the only possibility for you. So truly changing your life is dependent on changing your beliefs.

Now, if trust has been shattered and/or you’ve been betrayed, it’s very possible the experience has created beliefs that need your attention. Has it created the belief that you’re unlovable, unworthy or undeserving? Has the experience created a belief that no one is trustworthy, loyal or kind? While it’s understandable to believe that after a painful experience, to heal, it’s worthy of a fresh perspective.

If you have limiting beliefs you’re ready to change, this process can help you change them to beliefs that better serve you.

Start by writing down your answers to these questions:

  1. Which belief do you want to change? You need to be able to see it to work with it effectively. A helpful way to do that is to write it down. For example, one limiting belief you might have is: “I will never have a lot of money.”
  2. What has the belief cost you? Make a list of all the ways this belief has negatively impacted your life. Really think about it, because it helps to have as much negative ammunition to get rid of that old belief as you can get. Spend some time; it might even take a couple of days to get a complete list. What has it prevented you from being, having and doing? Write it all out so you see it clearly.
  3. What advantages has the belief provided you? Maybe believing that you could never be wealthy has allowed you to avoid taking risks. Or maybe it has allowed you to work at a profession that’s easy for you. It might be hard to figure out what the advantages are, but they are there. Hard to see the benefits the belief has given you? Try looking at it as if you were assessing it as if it were someone else’s experience.
  4. What new belief would you like to have as a replacement? For example, for the belief listed above, a new replacement might be: “I’m ready to be paid well for my time and effort.” Be thoughtful and develop a new belief that will serve you well in the future.
  5. How is the new belief better than the old belief? Come up with an emotionally charged list of ways in which the new belief will impact your life for the better. Consider how you would feel. What could you become? How would your lifestyle change? Would it help other people around you? The more clearly you see it and the more emotion it generates, the more real you make it.
  6. How can you start demonstrating the new belief today? Following our wealth-theme, it might not be the right time to plan the interior of your private jet just yet. What could you do right now? Make a plan to make more money? Start looking for a better paying job? Look for ways to invest the money you already have? What about dressing in a way that makes you feel better and/or more professional? Even a small change can help the process.

Start Living Your New Belief

It might not be easy at first, but taking the time to complete these steps will make it easier. Each day try to behave as if you hold the new belief. What would you wear? How would you speak? How would you view the world? How would you make decisions? How would you react to good news? Bad news?

While our behaviors determine the quality of our lives, our beliefs determine our behaviors. Beliefs are really the core to everything you do and become.

Beliefs can be challenging to change for lots of reasons.

  • You learned them long ago and you may not even realize you have certain beliefs around a specific topic
  • Someone you trusted encouraged the belief and now it’s yours
  • Maybe it’s just something you picked up over time.Whatever the reason, it doesn’t mean those beliefs make sense to you now. They may have served you back then but it’s time to take a look at your beliefs and assess if they’re still worthy of keeping or worth changing.

Dr. Debi
CEO and Founder, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

About the author 

Dr. Debi

Dr. Debi Silber, founder of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute https://thepbtinstitute.com is an award-winning speaker, bestselling author, holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert who’s created a proven multi-pronged approach to help people heal (physically, mentally and emotionally) from the trauma of betrayal.

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