When the person you trusted the most proves untrustworthy, it not only shatters your trust in them, it shatters your trust in yourself as you think: “How did I not know?” “How did I not see?”
If you’ve lost trust in the person you trusted the most, and you feel you can’t trust yourself or your judgment, it’s natural to then question your trust in everyone and everything.
So think about it. The shattering of trust has such a far reaching impact going way beyond how it impacts the relationship with the person who hurt you. It has a ripple effect where everyone and everything , including yourself, now comes into question.
Before I go even further, the good news is you can heal from all of it and there’s even a proven, research based way to do just that when you move through the 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough. First, I wanted you to see how it impacts your health, work and relationships.
There’s a collection of physical, mental, and emotional symptoms so common to betrayal, it’s known as Post Betrayal Syndrome.
People spend so much time, money, effort, and energy going to the most well-meaning doctors, coaches, healers, therapists––to manage a stress-related symptom, illness, condition, or disease. At the root of all that stress is often an unhealed betrayal. Here’s what an unhealed betrayal can look like with regards to your health.
You can have trouble sleeping, you’re exhausted and you could be using sugar or caffeine to help you stay awake. Your immune system is compromised, your adrenals have tanked, you could be having digestive issues, weight changes, brain fog, and more.
You want to be a team player, but you’re so afraid. The person you trusted the most proved untrustworthy––how can you trust a boss or coworker?
You want to ask for that raise or promotion, you deserve it––but your confidence was shattered in that betrayal. Instead, you don’t ask and you’re bitter and resentful, and that’s the energy that you’re bringing into work every day.
You’re full of heartbreak, sadness, anxiety, and grief because you’ve been blindsided by an experience with betrayal. You have a hard time trusting other people and it’s affecting your day-to-day relationships. You may experience repeat betrayals (a clear sign of an unhealed betrayal). You can also put that big wall up which prevents anyone from getting near you and your heart again. Sure you’re keeping out the bad ones…but you’re keeping out the good ones too.
You can’t undo a betrayal, but you’re in control of how long it affects your relationships, your health, your work, and your life. The gift in betrayal is that it lays the foundation for transformation, that’s IF we’re willing to use the experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. IF you choose to rebuild your life and the aspects of yourself that were hard hit like rejection, abandonment, confidence, worthiness, belonging and trust.
Rebuilding is always a choice. You have the option to rebuild yourself and move on or (if the situation lends itself and if you’re willing), you can rebuild an entirely new relationship with the person who hurt you.
Trauma is the setup for transformation. It can be used as the catalyst and incentive to create a new version of yourself that never would have had the opportunity to show up had the experience not happen. That’s Post Betrayal Transformation and since you’ve been through the worst of it already, you owe it to yourself to do something good with something that caused so much pain.
You’re not alone and you can heal from all of it.
Dr. Debi, Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute