The Two Paths After Betrayal
Yesterday, I had two powerful conversations with two women—let’s call them Sue and Donna. Their stories are different, yet they illustrate the two distinct paths people take after betrayal. One leads to healing and transformation, while the other keeps you trapped in pain.
Sue’s Story: The Path to Healing
Sue is a member of our PBT community, fully committed to healing. She had joined one of our open Q&A coffee chats, where members can ask anything. When she started explaining her situation, she kept going and going. I let her speak longer than I typically would because I wanted her to feel what happens when she relives the same painful story over and over again.
Then, I asked her:
“Sue, how do you feel right now?”
She paused. Her body was tense, her breathing shallow. She felt tight, stressed, and small. The heat was rising in her face.
“Does this bring you any closer to healing?” I asked.
That was the moment she realized something crucial—repeating her story wasn’t moving her forward. It was keeping her stuck.
This isn’t to say you don’t need to process what happened. You absolutely do. But there’s a difference between processing and repeating. Processing helps you move forward. Repeating just keeps you in the same emotional loop.
Sue got it. She understood. And because she was committed to healing, she made a decision—she wasn’t going to stay stuck in her story.
Donna’s Story: The Cycle of Pain
Then, I had a conversation with Donna.
Like Sue, she had been betrayed. But unlike Sue, she wasn’t moving forward—she was stuck. Every time I tried to guide her toward healing, she circled back to the same narrative.
“What do you want, Donna?” I asked.
“Well, he did this, and he did that, and I can’t believe it!” she responded.
“What do you want to feel?” I asked again.
“But you don’t understand—this is the worst! He did this, and he did that, and it’s just awful.”
No matter how I tried to shift the focus toward her healing, she kept pulling the conversation back to her pain. She was proving to me, over and over, how terrible her situation was.
So I said:
“Donna, the only thing that is predictable here is that if you stay on this path, you’re going to get sick. Play this out—the same way, the same thoughts, the same pain. Where does it lead in a year? Five years? Ten?”
Even when confronted with this, she still resisted. She called herself a doormat, said this is just the way things have always been. When I pointed out that the only benefit of her current mindset was that it was familiar, she still clung to it.
And that’s when I had to tell her the truth:
“Donna, I can’t help you. I know where this is going. If you’re unwilling to even consider a different path, how can you expect a different result? A year from now, you’ll be in the same exact place—except maybe with the added trauma of illness, stress-related disease, or another crisis.”
That’s the reality. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Two Types of People After Betrayal
There are two types of people when it comes to betrayal recovery:
1️Those who have been betrayed.
2️Those who want to heal.
Which one are you?
If you’re struggling to heal, it’s not because you’re incapable. It’s because healing requires more than just talking about the pain—it requires a willingness to move through it.
You don’t have to know how to heal—that’s what support is for. But you do have to be willing to take the first step.
Are You More Like Sue or Donna?
Sue chose healing. She realized that staying in her story wasn’t helping her. She was open to moving forward, even when it felt unfamiliar.
Donna? She was more committed to her pain than her transformation. She wanted validation, not healing.
There’s no judgment—only awareness. If you’re feeling stuck, ask yourself:
🔹 Am I ready to heal, or am I still holding onto my story?
🔹 Do I want to move forward, or do I want to be “right” about how bad it is?
🔹 Am I willing to do something different, even if it’s uncomfortable?
Healing is possible. But it starts with a choice.
If you’re ready to move forward, the path is here. The question is: Are you ready to take it?
Your healing is waiting. When you’re ready, we’re here to help.
Dr. Debi Silber, Founder and CEO of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and National Forgiveness Day is a WBENC-Certified WBE (Women’s Business Enterprise) is an award-winning speaker, bestselling author, holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert. Through a predictable, proven multi-pronged approach, Dr. Debi and her team of Certified PBT Coaches/Practitioners help people heal (physically, mentally and emotionally) from the trauma of shattered trust and betrayal. Get started on your healing here.