Hi. Dr. Debi here. Here’s something I see all the time and maybe this is happening to you. After something like betrayal, we’re shattered, we’re reeling from our crisis, and then we get to this place of intense confusion. I see so many people getting so down on themselves, they say:,”Why am I so confused? I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go, what to think about all of this.”
I’m going to give you a visual reference to help understand this. Imagine you are running as fast as you can in one direction. You’re running as fast as you can and then all of a sudden you realize: “Oh my gosh, this direction is not taking me where I want to go.” Once you make that realization, you slow down and eventually stop. Once you stop, you pivot, and you get yourself ready to run in a completely different direction.
This confusion is that same space.
What the confusion represents is that life as you’ve known it, the old paradigm, the old routine, the old way, has come to an end-whether intentionally or unintentionally. It’s not that what you were doing was wrong, because you’re supposed to learn something incredible or gain something valuable because of your traumatic experience.
What could that lesson be?
Maybe it’s time to learn that new boundaries need to be put into place. Maybe you realize that you are lovable, worthy, and deserving. Whatever your particular lesson is, that crash leading to that confusion is your realization that that old version and those old rules and that whole old way no longer serves.
When the dust settles from all of that, you slowly learn: “Wow, okay, this is what I want. This is what I need. These are the new rules and this is what I see so clearly now.” That’s what emerges from that confusion you may be experiencing maybe right this very moment. It looks like confusion but it’s really the end of an old way to think/feel/act before the new way is uncovered/discovered/revealed.
That confusion leads to intense and amazing clarity. So, please don’t get down on yourself because of it, because it’s going to lead to something great.
Again, the easiest way to see this is this way: It’s as if you’re running so hard, so fast in one direction that is not in your best interest anymore. You realize it. You stop. You pivot. You’re about to run in the right direction or the direction that truly serves you. That confusion you’re feeling is that stop, realize, pivot, right before you’re about to run in the right direction. So don’t get down on yourself about being confused, it leads to intense and amazing clarity. Hope that helps.
Have you experienced this? Comment and share!
P.S. Do you have Post Betrayal Syndrome? Take the quiz and see to what extent you may be struggling.