Introspection is crucial for us to know who we really are. The ability to look within ourselves, explore our experiences, and get in touch with our feelings enables us to move forward in life.

But what questions should you ask yourself?  

My name Dr. Debi Silber and welcome to another exciting episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi. Today, I will be discussing 4 revealing questions that you can ponder to get to the root of it all. 

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In This Episode

  • Understand the importance of introspection
  • Discover what the 4 revealing questions are     
  • Learn how to apply these 4 questions in real life


Hi there,

Another Dose of Dr. Debi here. So I want to go over today something that I call the four questions. And these questions, get under the hood, if you’re wondering why you’re not doing something, saying something, feeling something, or something just isn’t right.

Sometimes, these questions are so helpful because they’ll uncover what may be lurking in your subconscious or they, may be giving you an example of what you need to pay attention to but for some reason you’re not. Why? It may cause a shakeup, it may cause a confrontation, it may cause change. And when I asked you the questions you’ll see exactly what I mean.

I wanted to bring this up today because I just had three conversations, one after the other after another with members within The PBT Institute and the topics that they were struggling with were all so different, but I used this same line of questioning. For one was about weight, one was about a business challenge, and the other was about a lack of motivation and inspiration and meaning in life. So that was kind of broad, the other were two very specific topics, but this line of questioning gets to the root of all of it.

So the first question is:

1.      Am I numbing, avoiding or distracting? If so, how?

 The reason why I’m asking that question is because so often we use food, drugs, alcohol, work TV, keeping busy, reckless behavior to numb, avoid or distract ourselves from something painful to feel or face. What happens is, what used to make sense, just doesn’t make sense anymore. What used to work, doesn’t work as well as it used to. What we used to like, we don’t like any more. We think we like change. We don’t like change, because it’s going to invite a whole bunch of changes in. Maybe more than just this one area too. So what we do is we use these things to keep that voice quiet. But, if you notice, the voice gets louder and louder so the stakes get bigger and bigger.

So maybe it used to be eating a few cookies and now it takes all a whole sleeve of cookies. It takes a drink, now it takes two or three drinks. It used to take a TV show where you’re numbing out in front of the TV and now you’re binge watching an entire series.

So ask yourself that question: Am I numbing, avoiding, distracting myself and if so, how? Call yourself on it. Do you walk into a room and put the TV on because you’re trying to drown out the sounds of your own thoughts? Do you walk into the kitchen, you’re not the least bit hungry, but you just find yourself eating? See what’s going on right there. And with those three conversations that I had with our members, it was really insightful because they realized the actions they were doing, and this next question, really gets to the root of it.

The second question:

2. What am I pretending not to see?

Am I pretending not to see there’s trouble in my relationship? Am I pretending not to see that health issue that needs my attention? Am I pretending not to see that I hate my job? What am I pretending not to see? Sometimes we think it’s the most obvious thing. But for example, in the case about the weight loss, it really had nothing to do with the idea that it’s going to be hard to lose weight. It had everything to do with who it’s going to affect when she loses that weight. So, “What am I pretending not to see?” in her case, “I’m pretending not to see that my weight loss is going to cause a whole cascade in this relationship that I’m going to have to deal with.” You see?

 The third question:

3.What’s life going to look like in five to 10 years if I do nothing? Play that all the way out. So, in the case of weight loss, when you play that out five to 10 years, where you keep eating the same way, what’s going to happen? You won’t feel well, you’re not going to look the way you want to look, you’re going to have all kinds of health challenges because there’s just so much you can ask your body to do. And, in her case, it was really going to affect her business. She’s in fashion, you just can’t pull that off as easily. Not even that, no matter what business you’re in, how are you showing up, if you’re trying to hide and if you don’t feel comfortable? If you don’t feel good putting yourself out there?

Let’s look at the other member within The PBT Institute who had a business issue. If she does nothing, play that out five to 10 years, what’s that going to look like?, She was feeling such deep injustice and such anger at this one co-worker. Can you imagine that kind of work environment, five to 10 years from then, when you feel that much more powerless when you haven’t spoken up that much more? How’s that going to play out? Add in the health issues that go along with that that, too.

Now, the last question.

4.What could life look like in five to 10 years if I change now?

I’m not saying it’s easy but transformation happens when you tell yourself the truth. So let’s take the case of the weight loss. Well, what’s going to happen in five to 10 years if I change now? If I change now, it will cause a bit of a shakeup, but you know what, I’m going to feel better, I’m going to look better, I’m going to have more opportunities, I’m going to just feel better in my own skin, I’ll be happier. It’s this positive ripple effect. My business will do better, I’ll make more money, I’ll feel better, and it will it be a little bit of a shakeup immediately, maybe. But, when you look at the long-term consequences of that, look how much better that seems.

In the case of our member with the work situation. What’s life going to look like in five to 10 years if I change now? Well, if she were to speak up, which she resolved that’s what she’s going to do. When she does that, how is she going to feel? Relieved, heard, the injustice is dealt with. She’s speaking her mind, becoming more confident, finding her voice. What does that lead to? There’s a positive effect in what that leads to. So again, let me go over those questions again and you can use them for health, for work, for relationships, you name it.

1.      Am I numbing avoiding, distracting? If so, how?

2.      What am I pretending not to see?

3.      What’s life going to look like in five to 10 years if I do nothing?

 Play it all the way out. Take that health issue and play it all the way out five to 10 years. What’s that going to look like? Take that work Issue five to 10 years. Play it out. What does that look like? Take that relationship issue and play it all the way out five to 10 years. What does that look like?

4.      What could life look like in 5 to 10 years if I change now?

 And that’s the part we tend to avoid and I have a saying within the community and I am known for it. If you’ve listened to any of my podcasts for sure you’ve heard this ready? “Easy now, hard later. Hard now, easy later. Take your pick, it’s going to be one of those two.” And what we typically opt for is easy now. What are we left with? Hard later. But hard now, (having a difficult conversation, making that decision, joining the gym packing the bags,) whatever it is for you is the “hard now.” Then “easy later,” you see that you’ve been heard, you feel relief, you’ve claimed your life back, whatever it is for you.

So just to sum this up. Those are the four questions I invite you to write down about any topic that’s on your mind, that is tripping you up a bit. And when you’re considering, “it’s going to be uncomfortable, it’s going to be hard, it’s going to be this, it’s going to be that”. Play that all the way out and you see what it looks like by not making a decision. You know, it’s by not making a decision you’re making a decision by default, and it may not be the one that serves you best.

So I hope you enjoyed this episode. Subscribe, rate and review, share this with anybody who’d benefit from it. And if a chapter of Trust Again would serve you (Trust Again is my newest book). I have the five stages moving you from betrayal to breakthrough- from that place of Post  Betrayal Syndrome symptoms to that full and complete state of Post Betrayal Transformation. If that serves, go ahead and get the book. And I want you to go there instead of Amazon because if you do I give you all kinds of goodies. But if you just want to sample a chapter you can do that too. So with that, subscribe, rate, and review I’ll see you next time, ask yourself those four questions, see what shows up, and I know if he asked me, I always asked for hard now. Easy later. See you next time. Bye-bye.


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203: Betraying Your Own Inner Guidance w/ Debbie Lichter