Life isn’t always what we expect. When the results we hope for don’t come about, this can leave us questioning our self-worth and abilities. It’s easy to fall into that trap of discouragement. We can go down a rabbit hole believing we’re not good enough, talented enough, smart enough and more. We can turn up the negative self-talk as we say things like: “What’s wrong with you?” “How can you be so blind/dumb/naïve, etc.” “You’ll never…” You get the idea. All of these conclusions only drive us further down…making it harder to pick ourselves up again.

In the case of shattered trust and betrayal, we can further discourage ourselves as we take other’s actions personally. We can believe that someone else’s lies, deception and betrayal somehow is a reflection on us, causing us to feel even worse than we felt already.

The good news is, while we can pull ourselves down, we can also turn this around.

Whenever you’re discouraged, it’s important to take action so you can start feeling better. Spending too much time focusing on the negative isn’t doing anything good for you or for the situation. Spending too much time there, it can feel even harder to move forward as you settle into a space of “stuckness.” Over time, it can feel virtually impossible to think or do anything differently. If that’s where you are, how can you rise up and begin again?

Try these easy tips:

1. Reflect on past successes. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize that you’ve experienced many successes in the past.

• Reflect on how great you felt when you earned something you worked extremely hard for.
• Think about the impact you’ve had on others when you did something inspiring you felt called to do.

2. Know that you’re unique. You have a special blend of talents, abilities, personality, appearance, and purpose that’s different from everyone else on the planet. There is no one else like you and that’s a great thing.

• Remember times in the past when you came up with your own solution to a challenge that made things better for you or those around you.
• Since you’re the only person like you around, why not focus on your unique abilities and put those to work to create positive change in your life? Setting your new ideas in motion will go a long way toward restoring your self-confidence.

3. Do something you’re good at. A sure way to boost how you feel about yourself is to do something you already know you’re good at. Having even a small success is a great way to build reassurance and focus on the positive. It may be just what you need to start believing in yourself and your abilities again.

• It’s okay to need that reassurance from time to time. If you’re not completely sold on your commitment to something, t’s easy for outside influences to dampen your drive. It’s also helpful to remind yourself that if you have an idea for something, it’s because you have what it takes to do it. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have had the inspiration in the first place.
• Showing yourself that you can do something often gives you just enough motivation to get past that rough patch and then give you the incentive to keep going.

4. Make someone else feel special. Making a positive impact on someone else’s life is one of the most empowering and uplifting experiences you can have.

• Find a way to help those less fortunate than you. So many lives need attention and care. Taking the opportunity to help people or animals in need will probably do more for you than for them as you flood yourself with hormones and chemicals that boost your mood and health. If you’re struggling with an unhealed betrayal, it’ll also help to reduce the physical, mental and emotional symptoms of Post Betrayal Syndrome.
• Encouraging another person can bring that inner satisfaction which allows you to see your own true purpose. In fact, you may sometimes forget about your own hardships for a while because you’re so focused on helping someone else overcome theirs.

If endlessly going over the negatives would help, that’s one thing, but you’ve seen that that’s a recipe for keeping you stuck. Instead, just begin again. Start by celebrating all the great qualities you have and share them with the world. When you do, you’ll begin to see for yourself how awesome and special you really are.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute