Many victims of betrayal fall into the trap of codependency, which can lead to people-pleasing, anxiety, illness, and unhealthy relationships. How do we escape this pit of despair? Ande Anderson knows the way.
In this episode, Ande Anderson explores the link between childhood trauma and codependency and delves deep into how we can bounce back, learn self-love, and foster loving relationships.
Ande Anderson, MS, RD is the co-owner of Avaiya University, with her partner Ike Allen.
They have created over a thousand transformational books, films, seminars, and other resources on codependency, childhood trauma, abandonment, betrayal, depression, and loneliness.
Ande is passionate about helping others heal from their past traumas, so they can discover self-love, cultivate healthy relationships, and ultimately, live extraordinary lives.
In This Episode
- Discover where codependency begins
- Recognize codependency and how it manifests itself
- Learn how we are affected by co-dependency and where it leads to
- Find out what we can do about it
“Fear is the beginning of so many dysfunctional behaviors, whether it is co-dependency or addiction, betrayal, or what have you. Fear underlies so many things that aren’t ideal in our lives. And I think a lot of these fears go back to your childhood.” [08:09]
“Controlling is one of the core characteristics of codependency because once again we don’t want to be abandoned. We don’t want people to leave. We want to feel good enough. We want to get that validation, so we try to control others to get these needs met.” [16:09]
“Maybe you’ve been driving in the road for a few minutes and you’re having these catastrophic thoughts, but when you become aware of it, ask yourself, ‘Am I in reality right now or am I in La-la Land? Am I in my imagination? Where am I right now?’ Just simple. Catch yourself. In those moments, try to re-presence yourself to what’s happening.” [20:54]
“Develop a relationship with yourself. Start talking to yourself. Communicate through words. You can even say it out loud if you want to, “You know what Ande, I got it. I get right now that you are just terrified of being abandoned and you know what, I understand. I know why you feel that way. And it’s okay. It’s okay to feel bad.” Always validating and saying “It’s okay and I want you to know you are not alone. I’m not gonna abandon you.” [24:46]
“Anything that makes us more compassionate to ourselves and be a loving parent to ourselves is where all the gold is.” [25:50]
“Just get that even if right now this conversation is uncomfortable, this conversation is bringing up those fears of abandonment and not being good enough, and you’re really becoming aware of tough things, I just want you to know that your new normal will change. You have the opportunity to change it to something amazing.” [29:34]