There will likely come a time when you feel confused, unsure, and lacking in self-confidence. It can happen with something big like if you’ve just been betrayed, rejected, lied to, or deceived in some way. It could happen with a less painful experience like something not going as planned, a mishap or mistake. It could happen at work, at home with family, or even when you’re with friends or neighbors. Luckily, you can send yourself some messages that will put you back on track.

Here are a few statements to say to yourself when your confidence is drooping:

1. I’m allowed to feel however I feel. You’re a human being. Giving the thoughts and emotions enough time to be felt allows them to pass through you. Preventing yourself from feeling them, keeps them there, trying to get your attention. As renowned Swiss psychologist and psychiatrist Carl Jung said: “What you resist, persists.” So, give yourself the ok to allow the feelings to move through you.
2. I can take some time to figure this out. You have a right to have some moments away from the confidence-reducing situation to think it through. Depending on the severity of the situation, more time than usual may be needed to feel grounded and safe again. For example, if you’re a runner and broke your leg, you’d allow it to heal before you started running again. If you insisted on running on that broken leg, you’d only delay your healing. Same thing here. If you feel emotionally “broken” by some event or experience, you need the time to regroup and heal.
3. Because my life is full, I’m bound to experience lagging self-confidence. The more you take on, the more opportunity you have for highs and lows, successes and feedback. If you don’t try anything new, sure you’re less likely to experience setbacks but then again, you don’t experience much growth either. It’s impossible to be on top of your game one hundred percent of the time when you’re learning, growing and evolving.
4. I have a lot of positives in my life. It’s helpful to reflect on the high points. You may have people you love, work you find fulfilling, and a home that’s comforting. Tell yourself that the positives may largely exist because of you, your choices and actions. Connecting with that thought will build up your confidence. Even look around the space you’re in right now. Chances are what’s in your space has been placed there by you because it feels good to you in some way. Reflect on these things to remind yourself of the inspiration behind each of these reminders.
5. My confidence has been strong during many important life events. Remind yourself that your confidence has been there for you whenever you needed it most. Reflecting on those moments is helpful because you realize what you may have done to experience that feeling. Maybe you overcame an illness, had that difficult discussion with a friend, presented that project at work, moved to a new location, set a new boundary, healed from trauma or shattered trust. Any time you faced a challenge and overcame it builds confidence so reflecting on it may be the boost you need.
6. My confidence will bounce back like it usually does. Sure, you may have hit a bump along your journey, but it’s happened before and you recovered. Remind yourself of a time your confidence was impacted and you bounced back. However long that time frame was, see if you can bring it back a little sooner the next time it’s affected by someone or something.
7. I have what it takes to live a productive life. You know you possess the very essence of inner strength, courage, and confidence to think and create. If you don’t, it’s a good time to remind yourself that you do.
8. I can and I will. If you adopt this statement or something similar as your personal mantra, you’ll be surprised at the things you can accomplish.

• Think of some famous catch phrases like Nike’s, “Just do it.” Then, make up a phrase that inspires you. Some examples are, “I’m stronger than I think” and “I can do anything I set my mind to.”

9. I will re-discover my personal strength. It takes courage to admit to being unsure about what to do in a tough situation. But acknowledging a lack in confidence can lead you to having the strength to move forward one step at a time.
10. I can seek out guidance if I wish. If your confidence reaches such a low that you’re struggling with tools, strategies or the motivation to go forward, talk with someone who can help.

• It’s helpful to receive insight from those who’ve overcome what you’re trying to work through. It’s also helpful to get insight from an objective third party who can see your situation clearly.

Refuse to allow a lag in confidence to bring you down for long. You’re in control of your feelings and choices. Decide to choose any of these confidence boosters to increase your confidence when needed. When you do, you’ll find yourself overcoming something once again as you heal, grow and become someone you’re truly proud of. You got this.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute