Feeling Overwhelmed and In Shock After Betrayal: 7 Steps to Regain Control
Betrayal. It’s a word that carries such a heavy weight, and yet it hardly scratches the surface of what you’re experiencing. If you’ve recently been betrayed, you’re likely feeling a mixture of shock, disbelief, and a profound sense of loss. It’s as if the ground beneath you has vanished, leaving you suspended in mid-air, unsure of how to find your footing. I see you, and I want you to know: you are not alone. While it may feel impossible right now, there is a way forward—a way to regain control, rebuild, and reclaim your power.
Here are seven actionable steps to help you navigate the chaos of betrayal and start grounding yourself:
-
Acknowledge and Honor Your Feelings
First and foremost, let yourself feel. Betrayal often triggers a storm of emotions: anger, sadness, confusion, disbelief, rage, embarrassment and even shame. It’s tempting to shove these feelings aside and pretend they don’t exist, but unprocessed emotions don’t disappear—they fester. Think of your emotions like waves in the ocean. They’ll rise, peak, and eventually recede. The key is not to fight the waves but to ride them as you’re moving through them. Give yourself permission to cry, scream, journal, or simply sit with your feelings. This isn’t weakness; it’s bravery. The reality is, many people choose to numb, avoid and distract themselves instead. While it may make the day a bit easier to get through, it’s not without a price. Avoiding these feelings keeps them there. In my PhD study on betrayal there were three groups who didn’t heal. One was the group that was numbing, avoiding and distracting so as we say within The PBT® (Post Betrayal Transformation®) Institute: “face it, feel it, heal it.”
-
Breathe to Ground Yourself
In moments of shock and overwhelm, your nervous system is in overdrive. Your heart races, your chest tightens, and your thoughts spiral. To counter this, focus on your breath. Try this: Inhale deeply for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for a count of eight. Repeat this cycle several times. This simple practice signals to your brain that you’re safe, helping to calm your body and mind.
-
Establish a Sense of Safety
Betrayal shatters trust—not just in others but often in yourself and your surroundings. Reestablishing safety is crucial. This might mean setting boundaries with the person who betrayed you or severing contact with them, surrounding yourself with supportive people, or creating a physical space where you feel secure. Some people create a “safe zone” in their home—a corner with cozy blankets, soft lighting, and a journal for example. It becomes a retreat whenever they feel overwhelmed, reminding them that even amidst chaos, they have control over their environment.
-
Anchor Yourself in the Present
When betrayal hits, your mind can pull you into a whirlwind of “what ifs” and “whys.” You may relive the moment of betrayal over and over, trying to make sense of it. While it’s natural, it’s also exhausting. To ground yourself, engage in activities that anchor you in the present. Take a walk and focus on the sensation of your feet hitting the ground. Hold a comforting object and notice its texture, temperature, and weight. These simple actions can pull you out of your head and back into the moment.
-
Seek Support
You don’t have to face this alone. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a practitioner highly skilled in betrayal trauma, or a supportive community, sharing your story with someone who understands can be incredibly healing. At The PBT® Institute, I’ve seen firsthand the power of community. Be very careful of certain support groups however. You want groups that lift and inspire vs. ones where you only belong if you stay stuck. When you connect with others who have walked a similar path, you realize you’re not isolated in your pain. Their stories can inspire hope, and their presence can remind you of your own strength.
-
Focus on What You Can Control
Betrayal often leaves you feeling powerless. While you can’t change what happened, you can control how you respond. Start small: Make a list of things within your control, whether it’s how you spend your time, the people you surround yourself with, or the steps you take toward healing. By shifting your focus to actionable steps, you reclaim your power and remind yourself that you are not defined by this moment.
-
Visualize Your Future Self
Right now, it may feel impossible to imagine life beyond this pain, but I promise you—it’s there. Take a moment to close your eyes and visualize the person you want to become. Who are you? What do you look like? How do you feel? What have you accomplished? Every small step you take today is a step toward that future self. Write down one action you can take to get closer to that version of you, and commit to it.
Final Thoughts: The Path Ahead
Betrayal may have knocked you down, but it hasn’t defeated you. You are still here, still breathing, and still capable of creating a life filled with joy, strength, and purpose. Healing isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about transforming your pain into power which is what predictably happens when you move through the proven 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough.
I know the journey feels overwhelming, but one step at a time, you can regain control and eventually, use the pain as a launchpad to transform. Remember, healing is a choice, and every day, you have the power to make that choice.
You’ve got this. And when you feel ready, I’m here to walk alongside you. 💛
Dr. Debi-A Trusted Resource in an Untrusting Niche
Dr. Debi Silber, Founder and CEO of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and National Forgiveness Day is a WBENC-Certified WBE (Women’s Business Enterprise) is an award-winning speaker, bestselling author, holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert. Through a predictable, proven multi-pronged approach, Dr. Debi and her team of Certified PBT Coaches/Practitioners help people heal (physically, mentally and emotionally) from the trauma of shattered trust and betrayal. Get started on your healing here.