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December 14

Behavior & Mindset

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Over 1 million people have watched my TEDx talk “Do You Have Post Betrayal Syndrome.” While having the talk viewed over one million times is exciting, here’s what it really means…

Over one million people have learned that betrayal is one of the most painful experiences we can have; impacting us physically, mentally and emotionally.

Over one million people have learned that betrayal is a different type of trauma that requires a very different type of healing. That full and complete healing is now called Post Betrayal Transformation® (PBT). The complete and total rebuild of your life AND yourself after an experience with betrayal.

Over one million people have learned that there’s a collection of symptoms so common to betrayal, it’s known as Post Betrayal Syndrome® (PBS). And, while these symptoms are created due to the shock and trauma betrayal creates, the symptoms can last for decades if we don’t intentionally and deliberately move through our betrayal.

Over one million people have learned that while they’re medicating or suppressing symptoms left in the wake of a betrayal, they can’t count on time or a new relationship to heal it-healing is something you need to work on and if you don’t, you’ll see that unhealed betrayal showing up in your health, your work, your relationships.

Over one million people have learned that repeat betrayals are a classic sign of an unhealed betrayal and while the faces may change, there’s a profound lesson needing to be learned. Maybe the lesson is that you need to realize you ARE worthy, lovable and deserving. Maybe the lesson is that you need better boundaries in place. Until and unless those lessons are learned, you’ll get “opportunities” in the form of people to teach you. That’s not suggesting that betrayal is your fault, but it is your opportunity.

Over one million people have learned that while we can stay stuck for years, decades and even a lifetime, if we’re going to fully heal, we’re going to go through five now proven and predictable Stages known as The 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough. What’s even more exciting about that is we also now know what happens physically, mentally and emotionally at every one of those Stages and we know what it takes to move from one Stage to the next. Why is that so exciting?

Healing is entirely predictable.

Over one million people have learned that while other challenges may require you to keep patching things up, fixing what’s been broken, tweaking what needs change, betrayal is different.

With betrayal, there’s a complete and utter destruction of the old…allowing for the birth of something entirely new. That means a strong, confident, healthy and happy new you. Can it mean an entirely new relationship with the person who hurt you?

Yes but only if the betrayer uses  the opportunity to completely transform as well.

When only one person in the relationship does the work to heal, especially if the only one doing the work is the one who was betrayed, that’s a recipe for sadness, illness and more. Countless people have been betrayed and out of fear of breaking up a family, religious reasons, financial fear and more, they do all they can to move through their experience without the betrayer having any real consequence. The only outcome I’ve ever seen from that and what my PhD study showed? A further deterioration of the relationship along with a host of physical, mental and emotional symptoms and illnesses. Your broken heart can’t tolerate that.

Over one million people have learned that not only is healing from betrayal possible, it’s predictable. Is it easy? No. It’s probably the hardest AND most transformative work you’ll ever do.

Over one million people have learned that trauma is the setup for transformation and while we definitely have the right to our painful story, our story is infinitely better when we turn our pain into purpose. And, if on those darkest days that you can hardly manage to breathe because the wind was knocked out of you, your heart has broken, you’re in shock and the bottom has truly bottomed out on you…those are the ingredients warriors are made from.

Over one million people have learned that betrayal doesn’t need to define them. While we’re now in a club we never chose to be in, we have just been initiated and it’s time for the caterpillar to become the butterfly.

Will that transformation be easy, graceful and pretty?

Not at all. Will you be insanely proud of yourself when you can look back on the experience and be grateful for all it created within you? A resounding yes. Healing from betrayal is earned and you’re earning every bit of the confidence, strength and empowerment that emerges within you when you decide to do the work to heal.

Over one million people have learned that healing from betrayal is a choice. We get so much from staying stuck. We have our story, we get sympathy from others, we don’t have to risk being vulnerable; taking the chance of allowing anyone to get close to our heart again. We also don’t have to do the hard work of learning to trust again and so much more. If we’re willing to let go of those “benefits” we get to create a version of us that never would have had the opportunity to show up if the betrayal didn’t happen.

Transforming after betrayal is like Legos. There can be a Lego structure that’s been built and sitting in the corner of the room. It’s not beautiful, there’s nothing special about it, it’s just…there. Then, that structure gets knocked down and the pieces are everywhere. Now that it’s been knocked down, you get to decide which pieces to use and how you’ll build something magnificent. It’s an opportunity. You don’t have to build the exact structure that was there. In fact, that would be kind of crazy since it wasn’t something you found so magnificent anyway. It came down for a reason and whatever that reason was doesn’t even matter. YOU get to build something intentional and beautiful. That’s what betrayal allows you to do. Build a version of you that’s rock solid, strong, healthy and beautiful…you just have to be willing to build.

Over one million people have learned that even though betrayal happens TO them, it’s not ABOUT them.

To those one million people that watched the video and all that this post will reach…

Use your experience as a launchpad for your transformation. Don’t let the experience keep you stuck. It’s taken so much from you already. It’s time to take your power back and use it to heal and transform.

When you do, that’s trauma well served and if you ask me…that’s an idea worth sharing.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

About the author 

Dr. Debi

Dr. Debi Silber, founder of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute https://thepbtinstitute.com is an award-winning speaker, bestselling author, holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert who’s created a proven multi-pronged approach to help people heal (physically, mentally and emotionally) from the trauma of betrayal.

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