Let’s face it. When trust has been shattered, it’s hard to trust the person who shattered the trust and it’s hard to trust ourselves as we think: “How did I not see?” “How did I not know?” Taking it a step further, if we can’t trust in the person we trusted the most, leading to us to question trusting ourselves…how can we trust in others? When this is the space we’re coming from, it’s hard to trust in our judgment and it impacts every area of life. This adds an additional layer of confusion in an already overly extended life.

And then you’re bombarded by messages about how to take care of yourself, first and foremost. Of course, this isn’t hard when you have free time. But how can you stay true to the commitments you make to yourself when life feels overwhelming? How do you multi-task this opportunity to also learn to trust in yourself again?

Regardless of what your commitment is, recognize that you deserve the time necessary to follow through.

When you make a promise to yourself, consider the following:

1. Taking care of yourself helps you take care of others. Realize that, to take good care of others and to be there for friends and family, you need to keep your commitments to yourself first. You can be of the most good to others if you feel fulfilled in your own life.

• When you don’t do what’s important to you, you might even experience feelings of resentment toward others. After all, they’re getting all of your precious time, and you’re getting none.

• Refrain from “spreading yourself too thinly” in life: keep your commitments to yourself among your highest priorities.

2. Acknowledge that keeping commitments to yourself is very important to you. Because we’re each individuals, we have our own ideas about what’s special, needed or necessary in our lives.

• Because you’re human, you have a perfect right to want something. And you’re worth whatever time and effort it takes to fulfill that promise to yourself.
• Remind yourself that you deserve to experience and enjoy the results of your personal commitments.

3. Review the reasons you made the commitment in the first place. Some reasons you may have made this promise to yourself may be: to improve your health, have a more positive attitude, feel more content about life, or just because you want to do it. Remember that it’s okay, and even important, to do some things just because you want to!

• Whatever your reasons, take the time to review them regularly. This way, you’ll be doubly motivated to keep your commitment to yourself.

4. Reflect on the steps necessary to keep your personal promise. Think of all the strategies you can use to ensure you stay on the path to accomplishing your goal. For example:

• Put a note on your refrigerator reminding you of your commitment.
• Every week in your calendar or journal, write down the progress you made that week in terms of keeping your commitment.
• Praise your efforts with a “good job” jotted in the margins of your diary.

5. Share your commitment. Discuss your wish to commit to something with your partner, a close friend, or a family member. Talking about what’s important to you with those you cherish makes your commitment real and attainable.

• Plus, you’ll hopefully get plenty of encouragement and support from your loved ones in your efforts to accomplish whatever it is that you seek to do.
• You might even ask your spouse or friend to ask you about your commitment weekly or once in a while to help you stay true to your course.

Regardless of your life situation, you can keep your commitments to yourself. When you do, you realize your word is law, rebuilding trust in yourself and opening to the possibility of regaining trust in others.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute