Why Sadness and Anger Are Normal After Betrayal (And How to Process Them)

Betrayal is a profound wound. It’s not just the loss of trust—it’s the shattering of your sense of self, your reality, and often your connection to others. Sadness and anger are two of the most dominant emotions to arise after betrayal, and they are entirely normal. In fact, in the over 100,ooo plus people who’ve taken the Post Betrayal Syndrome® (PBS®) quiz to see to what extent they’re struggling, a whopping 88% experienced sadness and 83% were angry. Here’s why these emotions surface, how they affect you, and actionable steps to process them in a healthy, empowering way.

1. Sadness: Mourning What Was Lost

Sadness often takes center stage after betrayal. It’s the feeling of mourning—not just the loss of a person or relationship but the life you thought you were living. Whether it’s the shattering of trust in a partner, friend, or family member, sadness represents your heart coming to terms with a new reality.

What’s Happening? Sadness is your brain and body acknowledging loss. You’re grieving not only the betrayal but also the version of you that felt safe, loved, and secure. The sadness may feel overwhelming, but it serves an important purpose: it signals what mattered most to you.

How to Process Sadness:

• Feel It Without Judgment: Allow yourself to cry, journal, or sit with your sadness. Think of it as a storm—it feels intense, but it will pass.
• Create Space for Self-Compassion: Treat yourself the way you would a dear friend going through heartbreak. Speak to yourself kindly, reminding yourself that sadness is not a sign of weakness but of love.
• Focus on Gratitude: While it’s hard to think positively during deep sadness, identify what remains steady in your life—a supportive friend, your health, or even a favorite hobby. Gratitude helps balance the pain with moments of light.

2. Anger: The Energy of Justice

Anger feels different than sadness—it’s fiery, intense, and often directed outward. When betrayal occurs, anger rises as a response to the injustice of it all. You feel wronged, blindsided, and violated, and anger demands to be acknowledged.

What’s Happening? Anger is your body’s way of protecting you. It’s a call to action, urging you to defend your worth and ensure that such harm doesn’t happen again. While sadness pulls you inward to reflect, anger pushes you outward to create boundaries and take action.

How to Process Anger:

• Channel It Productively: Use anger as fuel for physical activity—go for a run, punch a pillow, or take a kickboxing class. This releases pent-up energy safely.
• Set Boundaries: Anger often reveals where boundaries were crossed. Use it as an opportunity to redefine what you will and won’t tolerate moving forward.
• Write It Out: Journaling can be cathartic. Write unsent letters to the person who betrayed you, venting all your anger onto the page. This allows you to release without causing harm.

3. Understanding the Emotional Rollercoaster

What makes betrayal so emotionally exhausting is the constant fluctuation between sadness and anger. One moment, you’re mourning the loss, and the next, you’re fuming at the injustice. This back-and-forth can leave you feeling emotionally drained.

Relatable Metaphor: Imagine your emotions like waves. Sadness is the heavy, rolling tide that pulls you down, while anger is the crashing wave that hits hard and fast. Both are part of the same ocean, and neither can be stopped. But you can learn to ride the waves rather than let them drown you.

4. Why These Emotions Are Key to Healing

It’s tempting to avoid sadness and anger, to distract yourself with work, social media, or other numbing behaviors. But unprocessed emotions don’t go away—they manifest as anxiety, depression, or physical illness. Can you move through them? Yes, by moving through the proven and predictable 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough.

The Gift of Sadness and Anger: These emotions are messengers. Sadness shows you what you value, and anger shows you where you need protection and what needs to be worked through. Together, they offer clarity and the opportunity for transformation. By working through these feelings, you’re rebuilding yourself stronger than before.

5. Actionable Steps to Navigate Sadness and Anger

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: Name your emotions without shame. “I feel sad because I miss the trust we shared.” “I feel angry because my boundaries were disrespected.”
• Create Rituals of Release: Whether it’s lighting a candle to symbolize letting go of anger or writing a goodbye letter to your old life, rituals help process emotions meaningfully.
• Seek Support: You don’t have to navigate betrayal alone. Share your feelings with a trusted friend, or someone highly skilled in helping you through betrayal trauma such as a Certified PBT® (Post Betrayal Transformation®) Coach or Practitioner. Speaking your truth can be incredibly freeing.
• Practice Forgiveness—For Yourself First: Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing the betrayal. It means releasing the hold the pain has on you. Start by forgiving yourself for not seeing the signs or for any self-blame you’re carrying.

6. Moving Forward: Sadness and Anger as Catalysts

Healing from betrayal is a journey, not a straight line. Sadness and anger are milestones on that journey, pointing you toward what needs attention and care. Over time, as you process these emotions, they will lose their grip, making room for new feelings: hope, joy, and empowerment.

Personal Anecdote: I remember a time when anger consumed me after a betrayal. It felt like fire coursing through my veins, and I couldn’t see past it. But when I started journaling and acknowledging the sadness beneath the anger, the fire began to cool. It didn’t happen overnight, but with each step, I reclaimed a part of myself that I thought was lost. And you can too.

Sadness and anger after betrayal are not only normal—they’re necessary. They are the emotions that guide you through the rubble of what was and into the foundation of what’s next. Embrace them, work through them, and trust that they are leading you to a brighter, stronger future. You’ve got this.

Dr. Debi-A Trusted Resource in an Untrusting Niche

Dr. Debi Silber, Founder and CEO of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and  National Forgiveness Day is a WBENC-Certified WBE (Women’s Business Enterprise) is an award-winning speaker, bestselling author, holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert. Through a predictable, proven multi-pronged approach, Dr. Debi and her team of Certified PBT Coaches/Practitioners help people heal (physically, mentally and emotionally) from the trauma of shattered trust and betrayal. Get started on your healing here.