Rebuilding is always a choice. After a painful experience with betrayal, you have the option to rebuild yourself and move on, or if the situation lends itself if you’re willing and if you want to, you may have the option to rebuild an entirely new relationship with the person who hurt you. Either way, betrayal is a powerful wakeup call telling us change is needed and underway.

Trauma is the setup for transformation. You can either stay within the roadblock of your betrayal or you can create a new plan and set yourself up for new opportunities and greatness. I learned a lot from my betrayal (I talk about it in my TEDx: Do You Have Post Betrayal Syndrome?) and I want to show you that there’s a bright side that will inspire you to lead the life YOU want to lead. 

Now, before I dive into the lessons––I want to reiterate that I am not saying to skip the part where it hurts or the part where you want to cry, scream at the top of your lungs, even consider revenge (although that’s never a healthy or empowering option) or stay under the covers because there are too many painful emotions to deal with. I’m not suggesting you run from any of the painful feelings and emotions that must be addressed in order to move past the tremendous pain that betrayal creates. I am not dismissing the hurt- this is deep trauma and it needs to be healed from all of the areas it affected-physical, mental and emotional. It’s devastating and the shock and trauma it creates is real. 

What I am saying is, to not get stuck in the anger, frustration, and injustice. So to help, here are 5 ideas to keep in mind that will lead you out of pain and into growth, a renewed sense of happiness and confidence. 

• Don’t Plant New Roots Within Your Betrayal
  As much as it doesn’t seem like an opportunity at that moment, it absolutely is. Get to know yourself again. You have the opportunity to gain new confidence and new opportunities if you don’t plant your roots within your betrayal.
• Know that you can carefully and slowly learn to trust again, open your heart again, and feel safe again
  Depending on where you are within your betrayal, this may seem impossible––but if done carefully and slowly, it’s not.
• Even though it was done to you, it wasn’t about you
  More often than not, the person who caused this pain had their own issues, insecurities, and demons they were running from. In neglecting to deal with their own issues, their actions directly impacted you…although it wasn’t about you.
• You see a version of yourself emerge that never would have shown up had that experience not have happened
  When you move through the pain and the suffering, you realize that you’re stronger than you ever thought was possible. That’s the YOU that you want to celebrate!
• When you take trauma and you turn it into transformation, that’s where real change happens
  Change, that’s what this is about. I know it’s scary but it’s what will help you emerge as that stronger, wiser, more confident, healthier, better, and brighter person.If I can do it, so can you and there are hundreds of others that are a part of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute Membership Community have healed from betrayal too. It’s time to take your life back. Support is critical and as a community, we know how difficult healing can be –– so let’s do this together.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO
The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute