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August 31

Behavior & Mindset

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Today I am talking about trust, which is something that is so foundational. When trust is shattered, it is really hard to feel safe and secure because trust sets the foundation for our sense of safety and security. So, when that person or those people who created that sense of safety and security, when they’re the very ones to shatter it, it’s traumatizing.

So many of us don’t regain that sense of trust and we walk around feeling unsafe and insecure and anxious. Can you repair trust? I say no. Can you rebuild it? Yes, and I can teach you exactly how to do that.

I look at trust, like a brick wall. And the only way I know of a brick wall being built is brick by brick by brick. It can take a really long time. Every opportunity someone has to show they’re trustworthy represents one brick in the brick wall. So now imagine the person who built that brick wall goes along and shatters the whole thing. Now, the person whose trust was shattered, they have every right to look at the brick wall and say; “I don’t have the least bit of interest in watching that thing get rebuilt.” That’s completely fine and with that, they heal themselves and move along. However, if they’re willing to watch that brick wall be rebuilt, the person who shattered that brick wall has to be a really good bricklayer. And, the only way it can be repaired is the same way it went up the first time, brick, by brick by brick. Every opportunity that person has to show that they’re trustworthy, that represents one brick in that brick wall. So, you can see why it would take a lot of time and effort.

Now, what I see many people doing is this. Trust has been shattered. The person who shattered the trust is kind of nonchalant about the whole thing, and the person whose trust was shattered is like; “Oh, forget it. Now I’ll build the brick wall” just because they’re in pain and it’s  uncomfortable. They don’t like the feeling and they just want the painful emotions to go away.

When the person whose trust was shattered is the one who builds the brick wall, you can’t feel safe, you don’t feel secure, your level of anxiety is always high because you don’t know if you can trust that other person.

So, if all of this resonates, I’m having a Trust Again Challenge . Now I’ve done this, I think three or four times before. This is such a much loved activity that I’m bringing it back, and people who have done the Trust Again Challenge 2, 3 times! They get so much out of it, so I’m bringing it back because especially in these times, we do not feel safe, we do not trust, and we need to get back that sense of trust.

There are these stages that we need to go through to rebuild trust Now I did a PhD study on betrayal. We made three discoveries. One of them was that while we stay stuck for years, decades, even a lifetime and so many of us do, if we’re going to fully heal, we’re going to move through five now proven and predictable stages. And what’s even more exciting about that is we know what happens physically, mentally and emotionally at every one of those stages, and we know what it takes to move from one stage to the next. Why is that good?

Because healing is predictable.

Now, with the shattering of trust, we find ourselves stuck so stuck in Stage three, the most common place to get stuck. Transformation doesn’t even happen until Stages four stage five. If you’re having trust issues, you are holding yourself back from the transformation that you deserve. The hardest part has happened already, you’ve been through it, you owe it to yourself to move through the Stages. So, if you have any kind of trust issues, know that there’s a really good chance you’re deeply rooted in that Stage three.

Now, the good news about that is, we know what it takes to move to Stage four and Stage five, which is exactly what I want to talk to you about, so that you can do that. So, to do that, join me for the Trust Again Challenge which is so loved, so I’m bringing it back.

It’s five days it’s only about an hour and a half. Give yourself an hour and a half. It’s all recorded if it can’t catch it live. But here’s what’s going to happen.

Day one: The who what when where and why trust got shattered in the first place. This is very surprising for a lot of people because they usually look at their most recent experience with trust being shattered, but you may find through the activity that we’ll be doing, that it stems back so much further. Because of that, it was never healed and we keep recreating the same thing. The faces have changed, but it’s a similar scenario. We’ll dive into all of that and you will find out exactly where it started.

Day two: How do you know when it’s safe and in your best interest to heal and rebuild with someone? Or how do you know if you’re better off just healing yourself and move on? I’m going to teach you something that is a shocker for a lot of people. If you’re one of those people (and I get it, I’ve been there), where you’re trying so hard and you’re explaining and it’s so obvious to you and it’s not obvious to the other person. You feel like you just want to walk around with a pad and pen capturing aspects of the conversation and saying things like; “You did this, don’t you remember?” “Yes, you said that.” “You promised this.” On and on and you feel like a crazy person. You will have such clarity at the end of day two and you will know why you’ve been banging your head against the wall and getting nowhere. Or, you’ll see if there’s really good potential to create something entirely new with the person who shattered the trust. You’re going to find that out just by day two.

Day three: Safety checks, boundaries and your BS meter. Your BS meter will be so sharp and so strong. Boundaries are really hard for a lot of people, and I’m going to teach you how to create them safely, carefully and correctly for you.

Day four: You will learn the four step trust rebuilding process. You will see why other efforts to regain trust and repair trust have not worked because of these foundational aspects that were not in place.

Day five: This is a much loved activity. It’s a visioning activity where you will see the version of you who trusts, who feels safe, who feels secure, who knows when it’s safe in your best interest and in your best interest to trust again. You will see you at your physical, mental, emotional best, your personal and professional best. You will see the version of you who trusts yourself and knows who to trust.

So, these are just a few things people have said about the last Trust Again Challenge.

“I did the Trust Again Challenge before and I was blown away by this, it’s really powerful.” -Heather

“I’ve been on this journey for a while but this has opened up something very compelling for me. I got to the point where I didn’t trust anyone. I spent 60 years, saying, ‘I’m here. Can you help me?’ I realized I couldn’t trust myself. Being here is, is huge for me this is so helpful.”- Juliana

“I never realized my trust issues went back as far as they did. It’s been an awakening for me, it’s amazing. Thank you so much.” – Anne

Join me for the Trust Again Challenge. It’s going to be September 13 through 17th. If you can’t make it live, you can access the recordings so you have it when you need it. (If you can, you’re going to want to be there live, and when you’re there live, you’ll know why.)

Register for the Trust Again Challenge and you can find that at ThePBTInstitute.com/trust-challenge .

If you’re struggling with trust, there is no reason to stay stuck. You’re holding yourself back from the love, from the intimacy, from the connection you so rightfully deserve. I will teach you how to Trust Again, you just need to show up. ThePBTInstitute.com/trust-challenge  Learn how to trust again-physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. We’re taking it all on within five days, if you do one thing. You want to make sure you register because you will learn how to feel safe, how to trust, who to trust and so much more. I’ll see you there!

Dr. Debi
CEO and Founder, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

About the author 

Dr. Debi

Dr. Debi Silber, founder of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute https://thepbtinstitute.com is an award-winning speaker, bestselling author, holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert who’s created a proven multi-pronged approach to help people heal (physically, mentally and emotionally) from the trauma of betrayal.

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