Many people who have been in codependent relationships tend to downplay their anger and find it incredibly hard to say no to others. But according to Michelle Farris, people-pleasing can be detrimental, and addressing your anger in a healthy way can help you improve your relationships and avoid resentment.
In this insightful episode of From Betrayal to Breakthrough, Michelle discusses how people can fall into the trap of neglecting themselves for the sake of others and how recovering from codependency begins with staying true to your feelings.
Michelle Farris is a licensed psychotherapist and anger management specialist living in San Jose, California. She has been featured in several publications, including Psych Central, The Daily Positive, Your Tango, and Bustle.
She teaches people how to create positive relationships and heal from codependency with simple tools to improve self-esteem. She has also written e-books and online courses to support growth and learning.
In This Episode
- Who is Michelle Farris? [0:10]
- What is codependency? [1:38]
- What are some examples of codependency? [2:23]
- How do you deal with codependency? [3:55]
- What is healthy anger? [7:58]
- What is the difference between anger and resentment? [10:17]
- …and many more
“Embracing our anger in codependency recovery is so key because it’s that point where you finally say, you know what? Ouch! This hurts and I actually need to say something, versus no I’m gonna suck it up. I’m gonna be a people-pleaser because you know, what? It is safer that way, nobody’s gonna be mad.” [08:56]
“If you stick with the facts and the feeling, and it isn’t about judgment, it’s gonna go down better…You can’t say, you always or you never because the other person’s not gonna deal with that. They’re gonna get defensive.” [15:28]
“Recovery is messy. You know, recovery is not a process where okay, you go in, you do work for several months or even several years and then feel like everything’s perfect. You know, you’re gonna struggle on occasion and that’s part of recovery. And I think sometimes people beat themselves up like oh, I shouldn’t still have this resentment. Well, you know what? You do and it’s okay, It’s part of the process.” [19:42]
“The people who love us want us to take care of ourselves because they know that we’re gonna be easier to be in a relationship with. We’re gonna be happier. And sometimes, using that external motivation of, you know, your family really wants this for you, can help the codependent cause they’re like oh, they’re not gonna be mad? No, most likely, they’re not. You know, they want you to be less overwhelmed.” [23:14]
“You can totally heal from codependency. And don’t be afraid of the anger and resentment because I guarantee that is gonna deepen your healing because there’s a reason why you feel resentment or there’s a reason you feel angry.” [24:09]