June 20

Behavior & Mindset


One of the most critical mindset shifts you can make in your life is to reduce negative self-talk. Although everyone seems to understand the importance of this shift, most people struggle with it.

Negative, destructive self-talk disrupts your health, wellness, productivity and life goals. As if healing from shattered trust and betrayal weren’t hard enough, the negative self-talk makes it that much more difficult because not only do you have the painful experience to move through, the harsh and critical self-talk only adds to the pain.

There are countless negative conversations happening inside your head throughout your day, and these negative statements can leave you feeling frustrated, angry, defeated, or depressed.

It’s normal to want to solve all of the challenges you face, but self-criticism doesn’t help.

If you catch yourself engaging in this type of negative self-talk, you can learn how to quickly switch gears and redirect your thoughts to more positive ones. That’s not to say a Pollyanna approach is what’s needed or encouraged. Instead, it’s about retraining your current go-to thoughts and responses for ones that move you towards something that feels better.

This process takes practice, but you’ll notice a positive difference in your thoughts and mindset if you try it each day.

So what can you do starting reducing negative self-talk? These tips will help:

         Take a deep breath. People resort to beating themselves up because they feel overwhelmed, have
too much to do, or don’t know how to change their thoughts. If this is you, take a deep breath.

  • It helps you momentarily slow down your thought process and realize that you’re not in a position to change everything all at once. Instead of thinking about how you can change what may need a more planned out approach, try to focus on the things you can control at this moment. When you can, begin to break down the bigger issue to see what small steps you can begin to take.

    Acknowledge your thoughts. Regardless of your negative self-talk stage, it’s important to acknowledge it. It’s natural to have negative thoughts. Try not to ignore them. Instead, take them as a signal from your mind that change is needed.

  • For example, if you’re feeling defeated, allow yourself to take a moment to acknowledge those feelings and realize that it’s normal to feel disappointed at times. Once you’ve admitted your feelings, you can refocus on what brings a better feeling thought.

    Identify the cause. Take a minute to think about what’s behind your negative thoughts.

  • Are your complaints and negative self-talk rooted in your inability to practice your strengths, talents, and abilities? For example, if you have fantastic communication skills but keep letting your negative self-talk overshadow that fact, it’s time you learned to harness your talents. There’s a good chance you’ll realize that your fears and negative feelings were all in your head. By taking them on and moving past your fear, those negative statements can be replaced with words of praise for going for it.

  • Is your negative self-talk due to someone else’s actions (like betrayal) that has you believing you’re somehow unworthy, less than or unlovable? By taking them on and getting the right type of support, you’ll realize that even though it was done TO you, it’s not ABOUT you and you can begin moving through The Five Stages of Betrayal to Breakthrough so you can heal…once and for all.

    Create a routine. Building a pattern enables you to spend less time, thoughts, and energy in negativity and working through your negative self-talk is a healthy way to get past toxic feelings.

  • And you’ll have an easier time working through them if you’ve planned out your day. After all, negative self-talk overwhelms you with unnecessary stress so a routine can help minimize the time you’d spend in a negative mental space.

    Consciously work to silence your thoughts. Your mind can power through negative thoughts by itself, but it’s challenging so you have to give it a helping hand. When you notice you’re about to indulge in negative self-talk, witness what’s happening and be proactive to exchange the harsh and critical self-talk to something more empowering.

Your mindset is the driving force behind all of your actions, so it’s important to learn how to shift your thoughts when negative self-talk begins. You have the power to change your life by changing the way you think.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

About the author 

Dr. Debi

A Trusted Resource in an Untrusting Niche

Dr. Debi Silber, founder of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute https://thepbtinstitute.com is an award-winning speaker, bestselling author, holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert who’s created a proven multi-pronged approach to help people heal (physically, mentally and emotionally) from the trauma of betrayal.

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