Are you afraid to take risks? Do you often doubt your capabilities? If you are, it might be a sign that you’re easily swayed by other people’s opinions.
The people you frequently spend time with have the biggest influence on how you think and behave. This means you should surround yourself with people who inspire you to become your best self and play bigger!
Hi, I am Dr. Debi Silber, and welcome to another insightful episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi.
Today, we will be discussing how others can hold us back from achieving our dreams, and learn what it takes to regain confidence in ourselves.
In This Episode
- Understand the power of the people around you
- Discover what’s getting in the way of your success
- Find out how you can play bigger
Hi there, Dr. Debi here with another Dose of Dr. Debi.
Are you playing small? I’m asking that because I just found that that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. You may be doing it too so I’m going to tell you a story. You may have heard; “We are the five people we spend the most time with.” So, if you are with people who inspire you to play a bigger game, you will be inspired by that. If you are spending time with people coming from lack and scarcity, it will hold you back. Not only will it hold you back, it’s going to have you question your ideas and plans if you are even considering doing something.
I’m actually in two different mastermind groups. I’m purposely in those groups because it helps me stretch, and think bigger and grow.
I had this idea, and it seemed so crazy and I’m thinking, I can’t even share this with them, they’re gonna think I’m nuts.
But think about it. Any great idea at first was considered nuts until it was okay. But I shared this idea to my group, and to me it seemed so huge. Within minutes, I heard: “Wow, did you think about doing this and did you think about adding that and what about this way and that way.” It made me realize how small I’ve been playing. I only know that because when we’re in our own head, or when we’re dealing with people who’s who are playing smaller, we can really get caught up in this.
I’ll never forget a couple of years ago, I was planning a, an event. I was going to do a one day event. And it was terrifying for me I had never done a one day event but in this group I was in, that was part of what we do- you put on a one day event. I’m thinking okay here we go (well, actually they taught us how to do a three day event, and I was playing really small, by just putting on one day event.) It was my first one and I thought, Okay, we’re gonna do this one day event, and it’s just going to be fabulous. And just fantastic.
So I had speakers that I had booked. I got vendors I got sponsors. I was so excited about this. I got the perfect outfit, I mean this thing was just all about transformation and it was going to be the most incredible day.
So I had gotten together with a group of people, and we’re all sitting around a table. You know when you’re all sitting around all taking turns with the question: “What’s new with you?” “What’s new with you?” “What’s new with you?” Well it was my turn. And my event was what was new with me. So I’m going on and on and on and on. And then…
Have you ever done that, where you are speaking, and then all of a sudden, you hear how quiet it starts getting? I was busy telling all about this event, and they’re kind of looking at me like; “Oh, are you sure you want to do that?” “That’s a lot of personal development.” “I mean, asking people to take the day off of work?” “Wow on a Friday and it’s $97? That’s a lot for something like that. Are you sure you want to do this?”
This was totally well meaning. They were trying to spare me the embarrassment, the loss of money. So I started getting really scared because I had never done an event, and I know they were looking out for my best interest. I’m thinking, you know, they’re right, they’re probably right. So, and I’m thinking okay so I still have time to cancel the venue I’ll lose my deposit but, okay, and I’ll cancel the speakers before they booked their flights, and I’ll tell the vendors, we’re postponing it or something and I’ll cancel them too, and the sponsors and I have it all figured out. Then I left.
I remembered that I am part of this other group so I thought I’d reach out to them and throw it out to them and see what happens (we were in a private Facebook group at the time). I said, you know, it seems just way too big and way too scary, (which means familiar), and you know it’s not too late for me to cancel, and how would you go about canceling this?
Within about five minutes, I start hearing; “Only one day? Why isn’t it two days you have such amazing content?” “It should at least be $197! That’s a lot of value for $97!” Are you sure you don’t want to raise it to $197?” “Ugh! It’s in New York? I wish I was in New York, I’d be there in a minute!” Oh, wow.
I looked at the two messages I was receiving. And if I didn’t have access to that other group, I would have canceled it in a minute. (Just to close the loop for you on that story. It was an amazing day. It was an incredible experience. And I was so glad I did it.) But if I only had access to the group that was well intentioned, trying to talk me out of it, or looking out for my best interest, I never would have done it and I wouldn’t have grown.
So my question to you is:
- Who are you spending your time with? Because it will affect every single thing that you do.
- Are you playing small? Like I said, I just came back from this event, and I caught myself playing small. I was thinking about this new program I’m designing and this next evolution of my business and I’m thinking, it just sounds so big and so crazy. And it really wasn’t at all. It only seemed that way because of what I had been telling myself and what I’d been telling some of the people I had been sharing it with.
So, if you have an idea, and you know when it’s an idea that does seem crazy. You feel something. It’s like your soul’s on fire and you know that feeling. It doesn’t feel like a chore, or an obligation. It feels like a passion, and then you think: I’m crazy, I can never do that. What Am I nuts? Yes, that’s where you need to be a part of a group, or you need to be with like-minded friends that you feel comfortable in sharing something like that with. Because, if you share that to the wrong group, you will cancel, you will think you’re crazy, and you just won’t do it. But, with the right people, they will help stoke that flame. Before you know it, that one idea that you had in your head will become a reality.
I also have two visuals that I picture if I have a good idea but it just seems too big and too scary or too hard. Two things that get me over them. Okay. The first one is I picture my idea now floating around in a thought bubble. And then I picture someone looking up like: “Wow, that’s a good idea!” and snatching it. That was my idea, and now it’s somebody else’s. And if that one doesn’t get me, I picture this. I picture sitting my four kids down (they’re older now, but when they were younger this was great), and telling them: “You know that idea I had? It was just too hard. I’m not doing it.” And I imagine my four kids are looking at me like: “It was too hard? Is that all you got mom?” So, if one of them doesn’t get me over the hump, usually the other one does.
To wrap this up.
The first thing: If you have a dream, an idea, and inspiration, it’s because you’re the one who’s supposed to be doing it. That’s the first thing.
The second thing: Be super careful who you share these things with. The right person or the right people will inspire you to go for it. Other people who just don’t get it, don’t understand, (and they could be totally well intentioned, trying to spare you the embarrassment, the humiliation, the money, whatever it is), they’ll have you second guessing yourself in a minute.
The third thing: Play a bigger game. Here’s where you find that like-minded friend, that group, and that’s certainly what we do within The PBT Institute, it is a group like no other.
So of course if you’re struggling to heal from betrayal and the devastation of a family member, a partner, a friend, a coworker, self, that’s where you need to be. But I just really wanted to give you this little reminder, if you’re not playing big enough. It’s time.
So, if you are struggling with betrayal a few things I’d love to suggest to you. Of course, the first one is Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness. Click here for the book and bonuses. I also have another book coming out very, very soon. And it’s really exciting. Not ready to share it just yet because I want to make sure a couple of pieces are in place before I do, but all good stuff.
So play a bigger game that’s what you’re here for. Don’t let anybody talk you out of your vision or your dream, and thank you so much. Come back next time, I have a few more little nuggets I want to share in the next few weeks with future Doses of Dr. Debi. Bye.