Being honest about what you want can be hard. Thinking about the idea of changing can be hard too. Change, that’s even harder. You heard change can be great and look something like this:

But all you can picture is something like this:

Why do we sabotage ourselves and what could possibly be the benefit? Change is scary, it creates a new awareness, a new perspective. It poses a huge threat to what’s been so comfortable and familiar, even if what’s so comfortable and familiar––stinks. It can almost feel like you’re facing death. You may be thinking, “Debi, c´mon…a death?” Yes, because you’re meeting up with the death of what no longer serves you, what you’ve outgrown, and who you no longer wish to be, as you move towards new and unfamiliar territory. 

Are you afraid to change? Here are some examples:

• You feel a bit restless, you can’t quite put your finger on it but the thought of uncovering what it is will cause too big of a shakeup around you so you do what you can to suppress the restlessness.
• You numb yourself, through work, food, alcohol, or TV, to try and outrun or avoid hearing the sound of your own thoughts.
• You dread going to work. Questions start coming up like: “Well what else would I do? This is all I’ve ever known and I’ve given everything up for this, now what?” Instead of looking into the answers to these questions, you dive into work even deeper hoping these questions and these feelings will go away.
• You feel a bit empty, overwhelmed, exhausted, and unfulfilled and these feelings linger without a look into why they’re there.
• You complain about your job, your lifestyle, your life but avoid changes that may make things more rewarding or fulfilling.
• You’re excited about growth but you find you have less and less in common with your friends. So instead of continuing on your new path, you stop because you’re afraid that your changes may cause you to outgrow them.

All of these questions, scenarios, or thoughts can lead to one thing––change. You know making a change could impact so much, create a snowball or domino effect. You can try everything to make the feelings go away…until you can’t. Trying to outrun and suppress these feelings can be exhausting. It can feel like you’re using all of your energy to hold onto a pebble because if that pebble dislodges, there’s going to be a landslide. 

Then, there’s that defining moment.

The moment where the pain of where you are––becomes greater than the fear of the unknown. 

You’re standing on the edge ready to jump, without the security of knowing that there’s anything to catch your fall. In this sacred and deeply personal moment, you make the decision that the risks are great but the rewards––they can be so much greater! The self-doubt may still be there, you still may want to sabotage yourself but you push through it anyway because you realize you meant to be, do or have more. 

You realize that you have a powerful message to share and you can’t share it if you’re standing still. 

The world is waiting to hear that message. It’s time to push past that feeling of being afraid. Your message is a message worth spreading, no matter how big or small.

Want to hear more? Listen to my TedTalk on Sabotaging Yourself here.  

Dr. Debi Silber
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute