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Tag Archives for " how to trust again after being hurt "

113: Essential Oils & Trauma Recovery w/ Jodi Cohen

Jodi Cohen is one of the bravest people I know, and one of my personal heroes. After losing her son in a devastating accident only 18 months ago, Jodi had to deal with not only the betrayal of expectations when you become a parent, but also the ripple effect her family’s story sent through her community.

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An award-winning journalist, best selling author, functional practitioner, and founder of Vibrant Blue Oils, Jodi has combined her life experiences, training in nutritional therapy, and aromatherapy to create unique proprietary blends of essential oils that have helped tens of thousands of people.

Jodi is all about gaining an understanding of post-traumatic growth and helping others focus on moments of clarity and relief. By getting out of the state of anger created by your mind and emotions, Jodi believes that you can get unstuck and heal in a real and authentic way. If you want to gain an understanding of the many layers of healing that take place, how to deal with outsiders and friends after a betrayal, or gain a sense of Jodi’s strength and resilience, this is the episode for you.

A topic that nobody ever wants to deal with, but that is so important to shed light on, Jodi is here to provide guidance, love, and most importantly, understanding. Do you know someone who would resonate with Jodi’s story? Tag them in the comments below.

In This Episode

  • Learn about ‘tissue issue’ people and how to handle their actions during trauma
  • Why essential oils are one of the most immediate ways to calm your nerves and mind
  • How to get out of the state of anger in your head and ground yourself back to your body
  • Tips for creating your own essential oil recipe to help you move through trauma
  • The importance of asking for help and relishing in the good moments in life

Quotes

“Who goes out there and publicly broadcasts that you are a hot mess? Who that loves you is going to do that when you are in your deepest darkest hour? It is someone who really liked external validation, really liked the kudos that she got from being able to say she was supporting me.” (10:34)

“There was nothing in between, it was almost like the volume was on mute, or the highest decibel ever. And so just trying to navigate that so that you had more options, more speeds than just super low or super high, by helping yourself kind of center and ground with the oil.” (17:15)

“Its almost like you have to feel safe to really release. Because I think anger is the top layer of fear and sadness, and its almost like a tough nut to crack. Once you can get through that anger, then you can get to the core of the issue, and you can start to release it and move out of it.” (20:20)

“There are always new learning and new skills and peeling off the onion.” (22:32)

“I want to make sure everybody knows that they are not alone, that there is no shame. This is not something that they chose, and that there are periods that will be better, this is not forever.” (30:27)

Links

Vibrant Blue Oils Website

Other Resources

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

Keep up to everything From Betrayal To Breakthrough

Follow Dr. Debi Silber on Facebook | Twitter | Youtube | LinkedIn

110: Traumatic Domestic Survival: Removing the Darkness and Finding the Light w/ Zoe Niklas

Zoe Niklas grew up enduring domestic violence, physical violence, emotional abuse, substance abuse, and sexual abuse. After multiple betrayals and traumatizing incidents involving both her mother and many stepfathers, Zoe harnessed her inner power and was able to break free at age 13. It wasn’t until she was finally taken in by a new family that she was able to embrace the healing power of love and create the life she knew she deserved.

Or, listen on your favorite app: iTunes (Apple Podcasts) | Spotify | Stitcher | TuneIn

Author of the book Driving In The Dark: A Childhood Memoir, Zoe is the true epitome of taking trauma and turning it into a life of purpose. Today Zoe is here to share her encouraging, insightful and uplifting perspective with you so that you can understand that even your darkest days can be healed through the strength of true love.

Throughout her journey, Zoe has used the power of the written word and theater to regain her memory, health, and happiness. From driving her mother’s car at 11 years old after she had experienced a seizure while running away to commit suicide, to finding hope and healing in the vision of life that she knew she was destined to live, Zoe’s incredible story is one of trial and triumph.

You can make it through the pain you are experiencing. By taking action and taking control of the course of your life, Zoe is here to provide you with inspiration to get you the help that you need and stop your suffering. How does Zoe’s story inspire you to take your biggest crisis and turn it into your greatest gift? Share how you related to Zoe with us in the comments below.

In This Episode:

  • Learn how Zoe made sense of a childhood filled with broken expectations
  • Four steps to help you deal with your problems and overcome your trauma
  • Ways to embrace your own worthiness and stop questioning your own worth
  • Why you don’t have to accept the victim mentality of being ‘scarred for life’
  • How to cultivate a vision of the life that you want and are destined to live

Quotes

“They never dissed me or said I was tarnished by my background. They loved me, and that love made me love myself.” (14:51)

“I heard a voice as clear as I am sitting talking to you, and it was like a man speaking in a megaphone in my right ear. And that voice said “get help now”.” (17:33)

“That’s why I say that I am the luckiest person in the world because I knew what I wanted and I followed the way to get there.” (21:47)

“Never stop, never stop trying to save yourself, don’t stop, keep going.” (24:39)

“I am sure there are kids out there that are just as hurt as I was, and I made it, and so I want them to know that it’s okay. You can hurt and you can do all of those things, but you can make it.” (27:39)

Links

Zoe Niklas Website

Driving In The Dark: A Childhood Memoir by Zoe Niklas

Zoe Niklas YouTube Page

Other Resources

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

Keep up to everything From Betrayal To Breakthrough

Follow Dr. Debi Silber on Facebook | Twitter | Youtube | LinkedIn

108: Betrayed by Religion and Family w/ Abigail Rebecca

Abigail Rebecca grew up in a devout Jehovah’s Witness family. When she began to question the strict religious rules and conditions she was expected to live her life by, Abigail was rejected by her family and told that she was a ‘bad association’ for the family.


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Instead of going along with a life where she was never allowed to question things, Abigail struck out on her own and decided to create her own rules. This episode is filled with Abigail’s unique and emotional story and sheds a light on what happens when you are betrayed by both your family and your religion.

Now an international coach, speaker and host of The Whole Shebang Project, Abigail helps smart and independent women escape their soul-sucking corporate jobs so that they can live a fulfilled, happy and purposeful life without risking financial security and status. With her Big Change, Small Steps framework, Abigail is here to help you find your way to make a difference in the world while making millions doing it.

If you feel betrayed by your religion, family or upbringing because you were taught something that intuitively didn’t make sense to you, this is an episode that you can’t miss. By making decisions based out of love and not fear and trusting your gut and the fact that you are destined for something greater, Abigail is passionate about helping you listen to your inner voice.

A non-judgemental conversation about free will, questioning the other side of the story you have been told, and trusting yourself, Abigail is the expert you need to hear from. Have you ever felt betrayed by the false truths you were raised to believe? Share your story with us in the comments below.

In This Episode

  • Gain insight into life growing up in a devout Jehovah’s Witness family
  • How to stop the victim mentality and avoid placing blame on others
  • The power of tenacity, determination, and believing in yourself in adversity
  • Why you should make decisions based on love and not based on fear
  • How to ask questions of yourself and others to follow your gut intentions

Quotes

“Looking back on it, I was completely, completely brainwashed and immersed in this religion that was basically dictating who I could hang around with, who could be my friends, what I should wear, the kind of life that I should lead, the kind of person I should marry. And really held by this fear that if I didn’t adhere to all the rules and the conditions… then eventually when the end of the world happens, that I would die.” (4:35)

“It’s so traumatic because everybody that you love, everybody that you hold dear in the world, just goes away. And you are left in this world that you don’t really understand because you haven’t been brought up like other people.” (13:28)

“I just started to realize that actually what I was taught when I was growing up, around associating with the right people and being careful about who influenced your mind, that was actually right. But they were doing it in a really controlling way, whereas I discovered that actually it was my choice, it was my choice who I wanted to associate with.” (17:28)

“They were doing this out of love because they truly thought it was the right thing. And I think the understanding around that, and not actually blaming them… that was the first thing, and then the second thing was really truly believing in myself that I was destined for more.” (20:00)

“If you are ever in any situation like I was, where you are in any religion or any cult where there is only one side of the story and you are not allowed to question and find out the other side, always find out what the other side of the story is. Because how can you make informed decisions if you only have one side of the story?” (26:46)

Links

Abigail Rebecca Website

Join the Big Change Small Steps Facebook Group

Other Resources

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

Keep up to everything From Betrayal To Breakthrough

Follow Dr. Debi Silber on Facebook | Twitter | Youtube | LinkedIn

092: Dating (Each Other) Again After Betrayal w/ Dr. Corey Allan

Dr. Corey Allan is a marriage and family therapist, author, speaker and licensed professional counselor with a Ph.D. in family therapy. He and his wife run Sexy Marriage, a podcast and online article resource that aims to help those experiencing difficulties in a partnership and provide resources to work through the dark days to experience more passion and trust in their relationships.

Or, listen on your favorite app: iTunes (Apple Podcasts) | Spotify | Stitcher | TuneIn

Unfortunately, betrayal has become an increasingly frequent part of any relationship, and it is only by understanding the steps necessary to overcoming partnership betrayal that you can start making the steps that feel best for your unique situation. 

Corey believes that marriage is more about becoming a better human than it is about the two people being happy. And when you keep things simple, you can experience more in marriage and life. By learning how to trust yourself again, accepting the cyclical cycle of getting better and becoming a major player in your relationship for your own sake, you can earn back your free choice and start living a life that demonstrates that you are worth choosing. 

If you are ready to take the courageous step and ask yourself how your marital betrayal can be used for personal development, Corey is the expert for you. Are you ready to reanalyze what you thought maybe a dealbreaker in your relationship? Share what you learned from Corey in the comments below. 

In This Episode

  • How to view your betrayal like collateral damage rather than a personal attack
  • Individual and couple recommendations when experiencing a marital betrayal
  • Things that can move the needle on your partnership recovery journey
  • A peek into a general timeline for getting over shame, bitterness and more
  • Tips for rebuilding trust in a relationship and yourself after a betrayal 

Quotes

“If they will buy into the fact that the relationship was co-created that helped create the dynamic to where an affair would occur. But whoever it was that was betrayed, it is not their fault, it was a choice by their spouse, by their partner.” (4:13)

“I am the therapist that I don’t hold people’s hands, I come straight at them. I figure you are paying money to get the truth, so lets not sugar coat stuff, that’s speaking to the best in people.” (12:38)

“This isn’t about what was done as much as it is the result, which is their hurt, their pain, their sadness, their disappointment, their grief, their whatever. Because what was has to be grieved, it was lost, so now we have to create something different.” (18:55)

“Affairs are actually symptoms of something else, they are not the main thing, they are a part of the main thing.” (22:33)

Links

Sexy Marriage Radio Podcast

Sexy Marriage Website

Other Resources

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

Keep up to everything From Betrayal To Breakthrough

Follow Dr. Debi Silber on Facebook | Twitter | Youtube | LinkedIn

From Betrayal To Breakthrough 089: Another Look at Porn Addiction w/ Joshua A. Shea

089: Another Look at Porn Addiction w/ Joshua A. Shea

Joshua A. Shea is a recovering pornography addict who is here to shed a different light on the topic of porn addiction and what goes on inside the mind of a porn addict. Joshua’s 20-year addiction came to a head when he pulled himself off his bipolar medication and engaged an underage girl in an online chat room. Now sober, out of prison and still living with his wife and children, Joshua is here to explain the real motivating factors behind his own personal porn addiction. 

Or, listen on your favorite app: iTunes (Apple Podcasts) | Spotify | Stitcher | TuneIn

For Joshua, it was never about the pornography or the alcohol but instead about the control he gained from using this material. If you have been hurt by someone’s porn usage or want to gain a better understanding of the decision-making process of a pornography addict, this is an episode you need to listen too.

Despite the fact that many adults look at pornography, it is a topic that nobody wants to talk about. Joshua wants to open up that conversation and shine a light on the problem of pornography addiction to help others who may be struggling as well. If you are the spouse or the partner of a pornography addict, Joshua wants to make sure that you know that it has nothing to do with you and provide you with insights to help you understand that there is no stereotypical addict. 

Do you or somebody that you love struggle with pornography addiction? Share this episode with them and let us know how transformation has proven possible for you in the comments below.

In This Episode

  • Understanding the role of past trauma, alcohol and control played in Joshua’s addiction
  • Why you should not confuse intercourse with a pornography addiction
  • Learn how Joshua’s wife handled the situation and did the work to heal
  • Explore what recovery looks like now and the importance of being willing to try
  • Addressing the way that the Internet is changing society and pornography usage

Quotes

“Pornography and alcohol, they both allowed me to escape someplace else. They allowed me to go somewhere where I was in control. And that ultimately is what my pornography addiction specifically was about my entire life.” (5:07)

“I think I even made the joke back then that all of these different people would only ever meet at my funeral, and they would all have very different stories to share with one another because they all knew different versions of me.” (10:46)

“Despite the magazine falling apart, despite the fact that I was drinking more and my relationships with my family were falling apart, life was crumbling, and the one place that I could exert control was in the middle of the night in these chat rooms.” (17:10)

“I don’t blame the addiction for what I did. The addiction did make me get out of control, it did make me not recognize cause and effect and not recognize what could happen and make poor decisions. However, I made the very poor decision to pull myself off my bipolar medication.” (21:41)

“Despite the fact that the vast majority of people are looking at pornography, everybody wants to pretend that they don’t. And if everybody pretends that they don’t look at pornography, I am not even saying addicts, but if everybody pretends that they don’t look at pornography, how can we even begin to have conversations about pornography addiction?” (29:12)

Links

Recovering Porn Addict Website

The Addiction Nobody Will Talk About by Joshua Shea

Other Resources

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

Keep up to everything From Betrayal To Breakthrough

Follow Dr. Debi Silber on Facebook | Twitter | Youtube | LinkedIn

From Betrayal To Breakthrough 084: Intimate Deception w/ Dr. Sheri Keffer

084: Intimate Deception w/ Dr. Sheri Keffer

Dr. Sheri Keffer‘s life came screeching to a halt when she found out that her new marriage to a pastor was filled with pornography, affairs, and prostitutes. Now a clinical sex addiction therapist and EMDR practitioner in addition to her audience of over two million people per week on her regular co-hosting gig at New Life Live, Dr. Sheri knows what it takes to heal and helps others realize that they are not alone, not crazy and can heal after sexual betrayal.

Or, listen on your favorite app: iTunes (Apple Podcasts) | Spotify | Stitcher | TuneIn

The way men and women experience sexual betrayal is very different, and it is only by engaging in a total truth-telling process that you can work to heal yourself and your relationship. The physical and mental symptoms of betrayal can seem overwhelming, but when you equip yourself with the right boundaries and ability to see the truth for what it is, healing is possible.

The process of rebuilding starts with you first, and it is Dr. Sheri’s mission is to give betrayed partners a roadmap to healing and recovery. With tools like EMDR and therapy, Dr. Sheri is here to tell you that you are worth fighting for and it is possible to rebuild with or without the person that hurt you as long as you have the truth first. 

Have you or a loved one experienced sexual betrayal? How do you relate to Dr. Sheri’s story of deception and healing through exposing the truth? Share your story with us in the comments below.

In This Episode

  • Exploring the shock after a marital sexual betrayal and how to find the right help
  • Learn about betrayal blindness is and why it can be so powerful  
  • Why your well-meaning therapist could be doing more harm than good 
  • The importance of taking care of yourself and being in a truth-telling process
  • How EMDR can help you connect your thoughtful and emotional brain 

Quotes

“All of it hurts, but the more intimate, the more emotional, the longer that relationship is, the more compulsive the sexual behavior is. It is harmful to us.” (4:59)

“At some point, I had to wake up from this nightmare I was living in that I really didn’t want to look at.” (10:34)

“A partner who is betrayed needs two things that are critical to heal, like two pillars, they need safety and they need the truth. And until they have those two things, a betrayed partner cannot settle into their body.” (19:17)

“The first step of recovery, whether you are staying with your partner or not, is recovery for yourself. Because you can’t fight for that relationship if you are lying flat on the ground.” (28:32)

“We have to be very proactive in getting in front of good therapists that know what they are doing with sexual deception.” (28:10)

Links

Get Your Freebies Here!

Intimate Deception by Dr. Sheri Keffer

Brave One Blog

Dr. Sheri Keffer Website

Bravery After Betrayal Retreat

Follow Dr. Sheri Keffer on Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

IITAP Website

APSATS Website

Other Resources

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

Keep up to everything From Betrayal To Breakthrough

Follow Dr. Debi Silber on Facebook | Twitter | Youtube | LinkedIn

From Betrayal To Breakthrough Podcast 078: Love Yourself Happy w/ Shari Alyse

078: Love Yourself Happy w/ Shari Alyse

So often we think people who are happy have had easy lives, and Shari Alyse is living proof that despite hardships you can still become a joy magnet. Co-founder of The Wellness Universe, Soul Ventures and an internationally recognized speaker, truth coach, author and blogger, Shari radiates joy and dedicates her life to spreading the message of finding the love that exists within. 

Or, listen on your favorite app: iTunes (Apple Podcasts) | Spotify | Stitcher | TuneIn

After sexual molestation at age seven, resulting in her testifying on the stand and eventually sentencing her abuser to prison, Shari had no idea that her trauma was still following her years later. It wasn’t until a life-changing trip that she realized the joy she had been searching for all along was inside of each and every human being. Now Shari is passionate about reigniting the light in everyone and bringing joy back to people’s lives after they feel like they lost it for good. 

Joy is at the heart of who we all are as people, it is your choice to tap into it and share your gift with the world. Even when something rocks your world, if you are able to stand up for yourself and fight for your inner power, you too can find never-ending joy. 

In what ways does Shari inspire you to bring more joy into your life? Share with us in the comments below. 

In This Episode

  • How to find a home within yourself and show up as you are
  • Reminders and tips to help you move through difficult situations 
  • Ways to find joy when you feel as though all hope is lost
  • What to do when you are having a down moment and how to pick yourself back up
  • Releasing the need for perfection and being okay with whatever shows up

Quotes

“You can make a difference every single day in everything you do with the small things.” (8:51)

“What I was told during this time was that I was brave and courageous and strong and I saved all these girls, but I didn’t feel brave and courageous and strong, I felt like a girl that had been hurt and didn’t understand why this had happened to her.” (13:37)

“This is about you knowing that nothing on the outside matters. It doesn’t matter what your financial status is, and it doesn’t matter what things you have or what your relationship is, joy is something that we all just have and its whether we choose to tap into it or not.” (16:55)

“I am doing people a disservice when I do not share with people my truth. And my truth is that I do struggle, and that I do have challenges, but I have learned the tools and how to navigate it, to help myself not sit in that space for long.” (22:33)

“I know this sucks, I know that it’s hard, but I also know that because of who we are and what we were built to be, that we are and you are okay.” (29:32)

Links

Shari Alyse Website

The Wellness Universe Website

Soulventure Website

Join the Joy Spot Community Here

Other Resources

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

Keep up to everything From Betrayal To Breakthrough

Follow Dr. Debi Silber on Facebook | Twitter | Youtube | LinkedIn

From Betrayal To Breakthrough 040: Cult Living and Escaping-Through the Lens of Betrayal w/ Moira Hutchison

040: Cult Living and Escaping-Through the Lens of Betrayal w/ Moira Hutchison

At 18 years old Moira Hutchison was recruited by a group of so-called spiritual healers to help her harness healing intuition, escape feelings of depression, and receive business training. What sounded like a great opportunity at first turned into the realization that she had been taken under the wing of a cult. After escaping from an extremely confusing place both mentally and emotionally, she has turned her experience into a mindfulness-based life coaching business to help people who are feeling stuck to be motived to change their lives.

Or, listen on your favorite app: iTunes (Apple Podcasts) | Spotify | Stitcher | TuneIn

Moira shares her incredible journey from the beginning to the end of her two years with the cult, how it taught her to tap into her inner wisdom and trust herself, and why gossip was one of the instigating signs of evil. An advocate for reaching out to those you care about, being willing to forgive and seeing beyond the surface problems in life, Moira’s story is one of intrigue and inspiration.

A story that moves from Edinburgh to London and Los Angeles, Moira’s tale is unlike anything you have ever heard before and will motivate you to take control of your actions. A real-life example of following your gut, and one person’s ability to make a choice to do something different, this episode is filled with awareness, openness, and trust.

What surprised you most about the lessons Moira took away from her past experiences? Let us know in the comments below!

In This Episode

  • Reasons that lead to Moira joining a cult in the beginning
  • When Moira realized the actions around her were manipulative
  • What to be cautious of when joining a new group or community
  • The importance of trusting your inner guidance and wisdom
  • Tips you can implement today to learn how to receive your own inner voice

Quotes

“I didn’t actually have anybody to talk this through with, so it leads to a lot of depression” (4:54)

“I kind of felt like there had to be more, there needed to be more for me to kind of regroup and come back to that sense of using my skill set” (5:32)

“I was thinking, ‘what happens if that ever happened to me?’, And that is where it really started to unravel in my mind.” (18:05)

“Each one of us knows the absolute truth. But sometimes it gets so screwed up, especially when we are talking about betrayal.” (22:15)

“It really leads to me developing my own intuitive skill, and to this day I rely on it completely” (25:05)

Links

Moira’s FREE Inner Peace Kit

Wellness With Moira Website

Contact Moira Here

Other Resources

Follow Debi on Twitter

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

Keep up to everything From Betrayal To Breakthrough

From Betrayal To Breakthrough 039: 7 Ways to Detox from the Major Toxins in Your Life w/ Dr. Debi Silber

039: 7 Ways to Detox from the Major Toxins in Your Life w/ Dr. Debi Silber

Toxins are everywhere and wreak havoc on us physically, mentally and emotionally. Here are 7 ways to detox from the areas where toxins are likely to be impacting you the most.

Or, listen on your favorite app: iTunes (Apple Podcasts) | Spotify | Stitcher | TuneIn

1- Foods: Nutrient void, chemical laden, processed “sub food” have little nutrient value and are keeping us overweight, addicted, inflamed and frustrated with the way we look and feel. Imagine how you’d feel if you detoxed from “Frankenfoods” that were loaded in chemicals and stripped of their vital nutrients? Imagine how you’d feel if you detoxed from products high in sugar, the unhealthy fat found in trans fats, vegetable oils and hydrogenated oils? How would you feel if you detoxed from an addiction to soda, candy or caffeine? Consider how much better your body would perform without the steroids and antibiotics found in most dairy or if you eliminated GMO’s (genetically modified organisms) from your eating plan? What we eat is at the root of what’s creating health and wellness or illness and disease. If your diet is filled with unhealthy chemicals, preservatives, sugar and more, it’s impossible to look, feel and perform at your best. So what do you include?

Include: Whole, real, nutrient-dense foods. Choose to not eat anything from a package or box. If it has a label, check to see if there are ingredients that sound like a lab experiment and consider what these ingredients are doing once they’re inside of you! Become a savvy label reader or better yet, stick to things your grandmother would have cooked with or would have recognized as food. Do you think she would have added Butylated Hydroxyanisole (BHA-added to prevent spoilage) to her apple pie or would she just have encouraged you to have a slice when it was fresh out of the oven?

2- Products: cleaning products and beauty products can be loaded with harsh chemicals and detergents. They can contribute to long-term health effects, such as cancer, asthma, reproductive disorders, hormone disruption, and neurotoxicity. The sudsing agents found in chemicals like diethanolamine (DEA) and triethanolamine (TEA) can form nitrosamines, which act as carcinogens that penetrate the skin. So what can we do?

Include: Greener options and products that are chemical free.  Think about it: If it says “danger”,  “poison” or “hazardous to humans and domestic animals” on the label isn’t that a sign we shouldn’t be using it?

3- People: If you surround yourself with people who are negative, critical, judgmental and pessimistic, can you really be surprised if you feel deflated, depleted and uninspired? If your group is gossiping about the latest breakup, spending their time complaining about their lives (while doing nothing to improve it) or criticizing others for what they have (while they may secretly want those same things) is it any wonder why you may feel stagnant, unmotivated and not feel very good about yourself? So what do you do?

Include: Surround yourself with people who are supportive, inspiring, loving and kind. Join groups with like-minded positive people, network to expand your circle and steer clear of the naysayers and energy vampires. Can’t find these positive, like-minded people? Start reading and learning about inspiring people, then find out where others who read these same books and learn from these same people hang out. Maybe there’s a conference, class or online forum? It’s been said that we’re the 5 people we spend the most time with. Find those that uplift you, support you and encourage you to be the best and highest version or yourself and watch your best self emerge.

4- Media (TV, print): Any media that has you feeling tense, anxious, fearful and afraid is keeping your stress response turned on and will create physical, mental and emotional wear and tear. Is it really necessary to know about the celebrity club fight, plastic surgery or cheating partner? These images do nothing to boost our confidence, self-esteem or personal development while having us feel “less than”, not as beautiful, not as wealthy or not good enough in some way.

Include: Commit to watching or reading any media that promotes a healthier, happier you. There are plenty of channels where you can learn how to cook, decorate, learn about a different culture, striving entrepreneur or heroic story. What we feed our minds, we become so be careful about what you’re allowing into your awareness, into your subconscious…and into your life.

5- Thoughts: Negative thoughts like I’m so fat, dumb, lazy or unlovable keep us safe, stuck and small. Is it any wonder why we’re not going for that new opportunity, why we’re not speaking to that potential partner or why we’re accepting less than we deserve because of the negative self-talk we play in a continuous tape-loop in our head? So what can you do?

Include: Commit to including more empowering thoughts like: “I’m working towards a healthier body each day”, “I’m smarter than I give myself credit for” or “I’m not lazy, I just don’t like doing that task!” Think better and bolder thoughts and you’ll become better and bolder.

6- Water: So many chemicals can be found in our water and if that’s not bad enough, think about this: medications, toxic cleaning products, waste and other things we shouldn’t be having are polluting our water too. What can we do to detox from this dangerous waste?

Include: Use a water filter-whether it’s a filtered water bottle, filtered water pitcher or an entire home filtration system, the more clear, clean, filtered water you use, the better.

7- Sleep: Loud or stimulating TV, chaotic or cluttered surroundings as well as light coming from your alarm clock, computer and phone can all disrupt deep, restorative and rejuvenating sleep. How can you detox from a toxic bedroom?

Include: Make your bedroom calm, serene, cool, dark and comfortable. A hot bath, warm cup of chamomile tea, scents like lavender on your pillow can help too. Create a sleep ritual and commit to getting the sleep you need to feel energized, focused and refreshed.

Detoxing from the toxins in your life will encourage some allergies to clear up, better sleep, weight loss (toxins are stored in fat cells), better overall health, greater energy, improved immune function, glowing skin, a healthier digestive system and so much more. Happy detoxing!

 

Resources

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

Keep up to everything From Betrayal To Breakthrough

Follow Dr. Debi Silber on Facebook | Twitter | Youtube | LinkedIn

From Betrayal To Breakthrough 035: Success w/Dr. Debi Silber

035: Success w/Dr. Debi Silber

My research involved those struggling to heal from the trauma of betrayal. At the beginning of my participants’ healing journey, their perception of success may have involved simply getting out of bed and facing their day. Yet, as they healed, their perception of success shifted to feeling safe, secure, regaining their health, finding the gift left in the wake of their trauma, and rebuilding their life.

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As the perceptions of my study participants changed as they moved through their experience, my perception of success has changed as well. This experience has led to an entirely different perception of success and one that I believe is needed so desperately today.

What is success? The newest car, the biggest house, the prettiest face or the most perfectly behaved children as determined by societal standards? If so, who are we when those external measures fade over time?

If your measure of success is achieved through the accolades others bestow upon you-who are you when you no longer receive those accolades?

If your measure of success is judged by what you collect, what happens when you stop collecting?

If success is achieved at the expense of family, integrity, connection, meaning or contribution, can it really be considered a success?

Who are you if you come in last place if you don’t raise your hand if you take a longer route or travel a different path?

What became so apparent during this journey was how fleeting and empty external measures of success can be, especially when we understand that we’re feeding the unrelenting needs of the ego versus nourishing ourselves fully with our soul’s calling for deep, rich and meaningful experiences. How has this created a new definition of success?

Here’s what I now see so clearly.

When you can enjoy the quiet of your own company, that’s success

When you can easily open your heart for someone in need, that’s success

When you can think about those you love as a smile curls your lips and a warmth envelops your heart, that’s success

When you can surrender and grow comfortable with the discomfort of the unknown, that’s success.

When you think of giving up, giving in and going back to what was old and familiar…then refuse and remain on your journey forward, that’s success.

Success is facing your fears, slaying your dragons, healing your wounds and loving yourself.

Success is thanking your ego for trying to protect you as you choose to trust the voice of your highest self instead.

Success is knowing that even if you have nothing, you have everything you need to create a life that’s rich, fulfilling and beautiful.

Success is the outpouring of love from within, regardless of what external signs of validation you receive.

Success is using your biggest obstacles as the catalysts to reveal your greatest gifts.

Success is knowing that you are worthy, deserving and lovable…simply because you exist.

Hellen Keller said:
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

Here’s my wish for you:
May you use your skills and insights to drive humanity forward

May your new insights light a path to the trail you’re now ready to blaze

May you reflect with pride on how far you’ve come, then lovingly allow for your next and most exciting chapter to unfold.

May you serve as a role model and mentor, enthusiastically yet humbly sharing your light so that others are inspired to do the same

You got this.

From Betrayal To Breakthrough 029: Stand In Your Intuitive Truth-Embrace Your Potential & Let Go Of Self-Inflicted Limitation w/ Anna Miranda

030: Stand In Your Intuitive Truth-Embrace Your Potential & Let Go Of Self-Inflicted Limitation w/ Anna Miranda

Anna Miranda is an intuitive coach who has dedicated her life to the study of metaphysics and utilizing many forms of intuitive arts to spiritually coach those looking to discover their true potential. Aside from her resume, Anna was pivotal in my betrayal journey and helped me realize the true purpose of my betrayal. Today, Anna is here to rediscover my healing journey, and share her wealth of knowledge with you.

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If you have ever been curious about creating soul contracts with yourself, partner and family, how to gain absolute faith and trust the universe, or get a closer look into how I dealt with my betrayal, this episode is for you. Anna is an advocate for believing in yourself, listening to your soul to tell you what to do next, and getting outside of the victim mentality.

By letting go of the shame and embarrassment that goes along with sharing your betrayal, you can stop hiding and embrace and trust all aspects of ‘what is’. While vulnerability may be scary, it is the only way to fully unlock your true potential and ability for love. It is time to rediscover your vibrant self, and Anna is here to help.

Are you truly open to vulnerability? Let us know in the comments below!

In This Episode

  • Learn how to trust in your intuition again
  • Realizing your betrayal as a gift to unlocking your true self
  • Why sometimes you have to lose what that means the most to make a change
  • How to ‘find the gold in the trauma’
  • Becoming truly selfless and vulnerable through soul contracts

Quotes

“I remember thinking explicitly, I don’t trust certainly him, I don’t trust myself, at least let me trust in the universe. And Anna seemed to have this direct line” (3:04) – Debi

“My only job is to help you tap into what you already are, to the essence of your being. That we tend to forget when we are in trauma” (4:00) – Anna

“In soul contracts, we don’t see obstacle or pain as a bad thing, we actually see it as a grand opportunity that your soul set forth way before it was even incarnated in this lifetime” (8:22) – Anna

“It wasn’t enough for me to heal personally. The injustice of it was so gigantic for me, that I said if I can heal from this I will have to do my best to heal as many people as I can” (24:55) – Debi

“True authenticity has to come from a place of vulnerability” (33:31) – Anna

Links

Anna Miranda’s Website

Video Anna referred to when I shared my story

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

Keep up to everything From Betrayal To Breakthrough

Follow Dr. Debi Silber on Facebook | Twitter | Youtube | LinkedIn

From Betrayal To Breakthrough 027: 10 Steps to Cope with Betrayal w/ Dr. Debi Silber

027: 10 Steps to Cope with Betrayal w/ Dr. Debi Silber

When we think of trauma, we often think of tragic accidents, natural disasters, the death of a loved one or a frightening diagnosis. These situations rock us to our core, shatter us as well as everything we’ve counted on. Yet, there’s another type of trauma that can rock us as well and it happens when those we’ve trusted and/or were dependent upon betray us. It’s called “betrayal trauma.” For example, a child experiences sexual abuse from a relative, your partner steals the company funds, your spouse has an affair, your best friend lied to you. These traumas may range in severity but regardless, they all hurt because these betrayals destroy our trust. They shift our perspective, change how we view others and the world and leave us questioning our relationships and ourselves. How can you cope with betrayal? Here are a few strategies:

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  1. It’s Not About You: These betrayals aren’t about you. Anyone who was “awake and aware”, connected, had even a moderate level of self-esteem, integrity and self-love couldn’t hurt a fly. As the saying goes: “hurt people, hurt people.” By no means does this make their actions excusable, but it does help you understand that you were the unfortunate recipient, not the cause.
  2. Stages of Grief: We know that when someone passes, there are predictable stages of grief as we slowly learn to adjust to our loss. Betrayal involves the grieving process too as you grieve the loss of trust, a friendship, or what you originally hoped and planned. It takes time so be gentle with yourself as you grieve the loss of what was.
  3. Healing Happens in Layers and Stages: When you’re betrayed, you don’t have a few hard days and wake up one morning feeling great. It’s a process and often one that moves you two steps forward and one step back. Keep moving forward.
  4. Support: Betrayal hurts so reach out and get the support you need. Whether that’s a trusted friend or family member, therapist, coach or healer, having supportive, unbiased people around you who see things from a different perspective can help.
  5. Be Watchful yet Hopeful: Don’t let a betrayal turn you into someone who is negative, bitter and resentful. Sure you have every right to be and if you told your story to anyone they’d agree. But, when you stay rooted in the past, it’s as if that person who hurt you now has power over your future. Take your power back and while you’re sure to be watchful, stay hopeful.
  6. Watch that Wall-When we’re betrayed, it’s common to put a wall up around our heart so no one can ever hurt us that way again. Sure we’re keeping out “the bad guys” but we’re keeping out “the good guys” too. It may be instinctual to keep everyone at a distance to prevent that pain from happening again but don’t deny yourself the love, companionship, and affection you deserve.
  7. Don’t Bring your Past into your Future: When we’re betrayed, it’s so common to look at every new situation from the viewpoint of the past…and then often recreate it. I call it “rear view mirror thinking” where there’s a huge front windshield in front of you, yet we’re staring at the small rear view mirror only to create more of the same. Break that habit and create a future you love.
  8. Mindset: It’s easy to replay the trauma or event over and over in our minds as we try to make sense of it. Be careful because when you’re doing this so often, you’re making that thinking a belief, then a habit, then a personality trait and eventually, a way of being. Once it’s firmly rooted, it’s now playing over and over at a subconscious level, impacting every thought, action, and decision you make.
  9. Take Control of What You Can: A betrayal can have us feel like our lives are completely out of control so controlling what you can, whether that’s what you eat, how you move, how you dress or the words you speak can all help you feel like you’re being proactive, versus reactive. This gives us a sense of power and helps us heal.
  10. Forgive and Set Yourself Free: Forgiveness is just a word until you actually have to do it. It speaks a language the logical and rational mind doesn’t understand and that’s why it’s so hard to do. Forgiveness doesn’t make it right, okay or that you’ve forgotten. Forgiveness is about you. It’s about letting go of the pain the betrayal caused so you can heal physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.

Betrayal doesn’t have to become your whole story. It can become a part of your story of transformation as you learn how to take that pain and use it to become your most empowered and unshakable self.

Resources

Women Hacking Betrayal Facebook Group

Have you taken the Post-Betrayal Quiz yet?

Keep up to everything From Betrayal To Breakthrough

Follow Dr. Debi Silber on Facebook | Twitter | Youtube | LinkedIn

 

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