People want to be a great source of inspiration to others. When other people try to emulate our positive actions, we feel admired and fulfilled. 

But how many times in our lives have we failed to set a good example? What can we do when we’re not showing up the way we want to?

I am Dr. Debi Silber and welcome to another insightful episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi.

Today, we will be discussing the importance of checking in on yourself and learning how you can set a better example for your loved ones and the people around you. 

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In This Episode

  • Discover how I caught myself setting a bad example         
  • Learn from my mistake so you can do things differently        
  • Examine areas in your life where you can set a better example


Hi there, Dr. Debi here, and today I want to talk about setting a good example. And I’m saying it because I caught myself not setting a good example. Whether you have kids, a team, anyone that you’re trying to set an example for, I’m going to share what happened with me, so you can prevent something like this from happening to you.

So, this is my 30th year in business and I’m always trying to learn and grow, so I can share what I learned with members within The PBT Institute. I’m usually going to at least one mastermind group a year. One, maybe two, because learning from the most brilliant experts and collaborating with amazing people, it helps me learn and grow and really up my game. I see what they’re doing and inspires me to do more.

There was one of my groups, and I was thinking about it and I said; you know, I didn’t really participate so I really didn’t get much out of it. I’m not going to sign up with them again. And then it hit me and I said, Oh my gosh, if that’s what I’m doing. That’s probably what members within the PBT institute will do. They didn’t get involved, so they didn’t get the value, so they’re going to leave!

So, what did I do with that? The first thing I did was message my coach, and said, I know we had last weekend to jump in and sign again, for the new year. I totally messed up, I’m in, and this time if I come back in, if you let me in (because it was all these wonderful bonuses and things for resigning). If you let me back in, I’m diving in headfirst.

My own intensity shocked me but I really linked committing- diving in headfirst, to what our members in the community will do. And so I heard back, and I’m in.

Again, I’m going to be in two masterminds this year but here’s the difference. This time I took the yearly schedule of all of the classes and coaching calls and everything, and I put them in my calendar, my written calendar, I put them in my online calendar and I prioritized them. What we prioritize, we get done. I don’t know about you, but there were times before my own workouts were a habit, I would actually have to write them in as an appointment. I thought that was so crazy, but I realized, I respect any other appointment that I have, but for some reason my own stuff, I don’t prioritize, so if we don’t prioritize it doesn’t happen, and I wrote it in as an appointment.

I also found that I have to write it in, let’s say, earlier in the day because I wasn’t prioritizing it my own self care enough that I just needed it foolproof. And I realized that if I schedule it later in the day, if there are other things that need to happen, it gets knocked off the list. So if I do it early enough, we can protect that time, ensure we get it in, even if it’s a few minutes. Whatever it is, that time for yourself, whether it’s for a morning self-care routine or a way that you connect, journal, meditate, whatever it is for you.

But what really struck me was that we can talk a big game. I have four kids, 25,24, 21 and 19. And as they were growing up, I remember always saying, they’re going to listen when I speak, but they’re going to really understand if they watch me do it, and it kept me on my game, for the most part, when they were growing up. But this was just something where I caught myself, and I didn’t like how I behaved and how I reacted so I immediately caught it.

Here’s the good news. You have an opportunity, all the time, to check in on yourself and see how you’re showing up and see what you’re doing. And if you don’t like something, if you could do something better, differently, whatever. It’s not that you’re never supposed to be happy with yourself, but it’s always good to just take a look and say, Could I do something a little bit better, could I do something a little bit differently? And that’s how you grow. That’s how you constantly reinvent yourself, improve on what wasn’t working for you before.

But, I didn’t like that. I felt like I bailed on myself, because it’s an amazing group. I didn’t give myself, what I could have given myself from the experience. How often has that happened to you where you invest in something and you don’t play full out, you don’t give it 100%? I do this sometimes even with books. I want to read a book, and then I’ll listen really quickly, or an online program and I just want to get through it. But did I really devour it the way I could have or should have to get the most out of it. It was a real wake up call, just to call myself on myself and just say; You know what, I don’t like how I just showed up right there. And then, I did something about it.

So here’s what I would recommend you do. Take a look at where you may have bailed and maybe where you didn’t set an example you wanted to. If you do have kids. Is there something you are doing that if your child were to do, you wouldn’t like it? Well, there you go. Mom or Dad, what’s the best way to teach, do it.

Is there a team or group that you’re a part of? And you’re in a work scenario or where you’re contributing in some way or something that you’re doing throughout your day, where you’re not showing up the way you want to? And, if you put the time, effort, in a little bit differently, (not more but differently), you could have a much different result? I invite you to take a look. Because, certainly I caught myself doing that, and I did not like what I found.

So, when we take on these new commitments and obligations, does it take a little reworking of our schedule? Of course, I mean now I’m committed to all of these extra coaching calls where it’s like; Where’s that time going to come from that in my day? But, I know I’m going to learn so much. I know I’m going to meet the most amazing like-minded people that I want to collaborate with. People I want to get to know who will inspire me to do different things, better thing, bolder things. So, I hope this inspires you to take a look at what you’ve been doing, how you’ve been acting, how you’ve been showing up and see that, maybe there’s a way you can tweak what you’re doing so you set a better example.

Now, if you’re absolutely perfect, well then I just hope you learned something from my mistake J . You get what I’m saying. I hope you just take a look at what you’ve been doing, how you’ve been showing up and see if you could just up it just a little bit.

I want to thank you so much for this Dose of Dr Debi it’s certainly what I learned this week about myself and check in for so much more. Coming at you every week with the From Betrayal to Breakthrough podcast and these little short doses of little nuggets that I’ve learned about members within our community or myself.

Subscribe, rate and review if you’re enjoying the podcast, please tell your friends. And if we can support you within The PBT Institute, Oh my gosh there’s really no place like it. We have live daily classes with certified coaches- we have one practitioner who’s been a therapist for 37 years. We have, coaches and practitioners who specialize in trauma, chronic pain, in addiction, in reconciliation, in narcissism, in divorce. We are bringing together the most brilliant experts to teach you every single day. Our lowest level membership is $97 a month, so if you want to, you can go to, I think we have something like 15 to 20 live classes at this point in time, live classes a week.

So now think about it. One session with let’s say a therapist who isn’t highly skilled in betrayal does way more harm than good. You can go to these live classes, asking coaches questions, asking practitioners questions we have the most amazing community. I’m in there every week doing Q&A We have master classes I’m bringing in incredible thought leaders. Oh, and we have our signature programs that literally walk you through the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough. So, even one month, $97 a month is amazing. Now, healing is now truly a choice, there is no reason to stay stuck, we have the tools, we have the support, we have the research.

 This is research based. We know what it takes to heal and we have everything within the community for you so if that resonates and if it’s something that you just want to give a try. You could do it month by month. That’s fine I get it, you may have some trust issues. I understand. So we do it that way, and you could just find everything you need.  To research some more just go to: https://thepbtinstitute.com/join/ . And, and if you just want to learn how to trust again move through the stages on your own, you want to try out a chapter of my book Trust Again, you could find that here: https://thepbtinstitute.com/freegift/ .

Thank you so much and I’ll see you next time. Bye.


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219: Post-traumatic Growth - The "Upside" of Trauma w/ Jason Holzer